About Me

Name: Kat

Location: Seattle

Occupation: Writer

Motivation: Hearse Pimpin

Major Malfunction: Travel


Yes, it's a trap.



Short Story

Dear Kat


What I Got

What I Want

Music Blog

CD Reviews

The "Bests"

Acceptance Speech

Brown People Love Me!

Crazy Like Everyone Else

Farewell, Useful Appliance

Five-Sevenths Full of Win

I Miss Texas So Much

I Scream, You Scream,

Miss PacMan

More Tetris

Office Etiquette

Persistent Decorative State

Plane Tetris

PlatKat Publishing,
At Your Service

PlatKat's Tips for Making
the Best of Your Arrest

Real American Heroes

Respect the Bird


See What Happens, Larry?

Slut-o-ween? No, Kat-o-ween.

Snoop KNOWS It

Sonic B(ooooh)m

Special Offer - Act Now!

The Garlic Offensive

The Most Popular Girl

Thoughts and Feelings


Random Kat-Stuff


Live Journal





Mo' Flickr

Mo-Mo Flickr


Abdiel (The Fam)

Adrienne (Buy Soap!)

Arthur (Electronic Music)

Brian (Rock Music)

Bruno (Travel)

Craig (Wine)

Daun (The Outdoors)

Delan (Traveling)

Felicia (General Coolness)

Jack (Herp Pictures)

Jim (Technology and Bowling)

Jon (Moving)

Josh (Pictures)

Laura (Photography)

Merri Su and Brian (Wedding)

Miranda (North American Scum)

Nate (Baldness and Beer)

Peter and Eli (Wedding)

Sarah (Growlin' Baby Hons)

Sean (Being an Asshole)

Poker Blogs

High on Poker

I Had Outs


Princess Maigrey

Ramblings of a Mad Man


This Is Not a Poker Blog

The Commish's Desk

Other Blogs I Like

Anonymous Lawyer

Avoid this Job

Bacon Unwrapped

Banana Blograma

Brooklyn Vegan


Cook with Tom

Don't Even Reply

Easily Distracted


Fuck You, Penguin


Girls Are Pretty

Greg Palast


Hanzi Smatter

Hollywood Phony

I Can Has Cheezburger?


Joe. My. God.


List of the Day

Loopy Rocket



Not Always Right

Overheard in New York

People of Walmart

Planet Idiot

Plus Ultra

Stuff White People Like


The Consumerist

The Superficial

Verbal Vomit

Why Women Hate Men

Teh Funnays

Acts Of Gord

Black People Love Us

Cat Enema





Flora Bush: The Child
Left Behind

Homestar Runner

Modern Drunkard


Natalie Dee

Party Cat



Something Awful

The Filthy Critic

The Onion

The Phat Phree

Web Economy Bullshit



DOS Games

Super Obama World

Web Sudoku


Artsy Stuff

Alex Lucka




Heather's Project 365

Mark Jenkins

Mika Tajima



It's better than whatever you're supposed to be doing.

The Music Blog

Friday, February 26, 2010

I Came, I Saw, I Grooved

The best part of all is that it's total nonsense. The song doesn't mean anything in any language.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Everything About This Song Is Good and Relevant

Right down to the steel drum.

Sunday, January 24, 2010


When I was a kid, I really liked Weird Al. His songs mostly consisted of stupid humor, and I felt kind of silly for liking them so much. One time I went to a record store in search of his latest one. I was probably 14 or so, and as I thumbed through the Popular cds, a salesperson asked me if I needed help finding something.

"Well, I'm looking for Weird Al," I explained. "But I guess he's not popular..."

"That's okay, we have a special Comedy section over here," she replied, and led me to it.

It's "special" for "special" people, I thought.

Even when I was juvenile, I hated appearing juvenile, which is a testament to my own insecurity, I guess. Now it seems to be okay to wear it on my sleeve, having watched so many other people do it with moderate success.

I like the idea of taking a song that was supposed to communicate a very serious artist's message and making it silly. I find myself making up my own lyrics to random songs and wishing I had the amenities of a recording studio to make my own nicely produced parodies. I don't know if they'd appeal to anyone but me, hence I don't want to drop the cash to try it.

I think that's also why I like editing more than writing. I'd rather take someone else's creation and make it better than come up with something on my own. And with music, "better" to me is just goofy.

It's easier to make fun of something under the guise that it was silly to begin with, the artist and his fans just didn't realize it.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

No, Everything Is NOT Irie

I don't like reggae music, which must make me the biggest asshole to ever listen to music. Sorry. I am in agreement with its thematic messages of peace, unity, and love for all people, but I don't need to be told six million different ways that smoking weed is cool and casual sex is fun. Believe me, popular culture has seen to it that I am aware of this. Beyond that, I guess I just don't have the patience for the slow pace and rambling lyrics of most reggae songs, yet one of my favorite genres is downtempo trip-hop. If only there were some sort of substance I could abuse while I ponder my inner-conflict with this.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

An Arduous Afternoon Arbor Wallk

If my Soma tracks are baby-makin' music like most people say, Brian Eno is most definitely journey-makin' music. With Nerve Net as my witness, my trek through Downtown Sacramento became a mysterious voyage through tiny cafes and chilly orange groves.

As I walked home from the Sacto Punk Swap, I had a strong desire to pretend I was somewhere else, doing something besides coming to the realization that I'm not ready to put myself out there yet. My frozen fingers and blistered feet yielded no result other than the excursion from which they came.

The people at the swap were friendly enough, and although lately I have spent more time alone than is healthy, I cannot be the outgoing stranger that comes out of nowhere to spice things up. That part of my spirit isn't dead, it's just dormant like the trees suspending growth until the proper resources for expansion are available again.

Not every step is forward, not every moment spent in stillness a waste. I am on a journey. Someday I will branch out.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Burning the Mid-90s Oil

Lacking anything better to do in the wee hours of the morning, I'm finally ripping my entire cd collection. You can get a 1 TB external hard drive for about 100 dollars, so in addition to backing up my ancient ~200 GB drive*, I can really let the dumping begin and cut loose some of the CDs I've been moving from place-to-place since I was 17.

I often joke that my cd collection peaks in 1993. I was a frequent joiner and quitter of BMG and Columbia House music services, so I felt like I was getting a decent deal (even when you include shipping and handling) compared to the nearly $20 record stores were charging for new CDs.

Even if you had told me that one day I'd be able to store hundreds of CDs' worth of music in a tiny two-pound travel top (which I could also bring to the bathroom!), I may still have purchased just as many. I was addicted to music. I got music cravings. I needed something in my ears and most of the time it was grunge or classic rock.

Oddly enough, the discs I'll likely be clinging to are some of the more recent finds, relatively speaking. My music collection hit another spike in the early 2000s when I was working for Feedback Magazine, so I have more house mixes than you can shake a stick at. Some of them are from well known djs who have been around for ages and still perform. Some are loose mixes made by local boys in their bedrooms after a fat J and a stretch of prime-time TV programming.

I can ditch all the discs that were barely accompanied by a sleeve, let alone track titles, a case, and cover art. I've mostly won the inner-conflict to ditch a lot of the obscure stuff that only I and a handful of other people in the world ever bothered to listen to. I don't imagine proudly displaying my Erlend Oye promo disc in the living room of the mansion I'll no doubt be living in 10 years from now.

Of course, it's much more difficult to determine the fate of the other 90% of the discs taking up real estate in my giant cardboard boxes. Simply picking up a select few SXSW promo discs brought back memories, along with comedy CDs from the guys at Mr. Sinus Theater, compilations from my old college radio station KVRX, the stuff I bought in Spain, my first jungle CD, the bright yellow box containing School House Rocks covers, and... yeah, I could definitely go on.

I'm obviously keeping everything in my impressive Bjork collection. I think my purchase of Volta two years ago put me over the 50 mark, including bootlegs and work with other bands. I also have to keep all my Pizzicato 5, all my Dead Milkmen, all my Pink Floyd...

Beyond the music on all of these discs being great, I felt a great deal of nostalgic excitement about actually holding the boxes containing the music. It's like I could instantly go through each disc's songs in my head just by looking at the front of the case or wrestling with the goofy packaging.

Okay, okay. So I'm obviously not as committed to lightening my load as I was before I opened these boxes. I am truly sick of moving this stuff everywhere, but I'll probably still end up keeping a lot of it though.

*What's on that hard drive? So glad you asked! Here's a quick rundown:

Indie Rock: My ex liked it, and he's the one who championed the idea that I needed a 200-GB hard drive full of music in the first place.

Electronic: Brent gave me a bunch of MP3s back in the day, but not really enough to call a collection. With well-known artists like Basement Jaxx, Moby, and Orbital and no full albums, it was more of an electro-pop starter kit.

Metal and Russian Pop: When I lived in New York, my ex's coworker's girlfriend came over with her hard drive and we swapped music. I've spent most of the last couple weeks finding all kinds of reasons to love and hate metal. I also wish her folders had been organized a little better.

Minimal/Atmospheric: Former Austin DJ and good Seattle friend Josef filled the rest my hard drive with his stuff, mostly from Soma FM, our favorite radio station. It made a really loud chugging noise every time I turned it on after that. Once I deleted the 10 GB of Regina Spector shrieks, it went back to semi-normal. (Sorry, dude. Like Bjork, she is not for everyone.)

Rap and Electro: What can I say? Josheh likes teh raps. I added anything I could stuff on there after removing some of the metal I didn't like.

My stuff: They are few and far between, but somehow a couple of dj mixes and some well-timed aural acquisitions made it onto the mammoth-seeming hard drive (now only in size). So this new hard drive and cd-ripping initiative is kind of like a "Take Back the Night" event... except there are no candles, I'm inside, and no one has been raped.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

I have not been this happy about a viral video since the Sound of Music invasion at an Antwerp train station. A friend pointed me to Fagottron's YouTube Channel, and while the guy's name took some getting used to, his kiddie movie music mashups are winning me over one by one.

This came at a time when the internet has been acting solely as a mental vibrator to keep me amused until my mate comes home and I can have some actual fun. My usual internet haunts have become cerebral drainpipes—the same stupid people telling their same stupid jokes (referring to them as jokes is being rather generous). It seems like almost everyone is depressed or mad. I feel like I really have something to be mad about (no job, knee-deep in a lawsuit, alienation as punishment for mobility, etc.), but even I can't be as obnoxiously pissy as half of what I'm seeing.

What I'm saying is that I was in dire need of something uplifting, and this actually worked. If it worked for me, I bet it'll work for you, even if you're about to commit suicide. Seriously, put down the gun, get off the ledge, turn off your car, and then start with Bangarang for a good first impression. After all, who doesn't like techno and pirates?



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The Obviously Avocado Big 10

It's "California-style"

  1. Three-wolf shirts
  2. Made-for-TV poetry
  3. lamebook
    If you're not laughing, you are being laughed at.
  4. Cool stories, brah
  5. Internet name-dropping
    Now basement-dwelling losers can be douchebags too!
  6. Passive-aggressive behavior
    "Someone's doing something I don't like, and I need an intelligent-sounding phrase to describe it."
  7. Platty Katty's Bratty Patties, Shroomie Style
  8. Hilton vacation telephone promotions
    Call me one more time and the Garden Inn down the street gets it.
  9. Tweeting to bend a flock of pigeons to your will
  10. Writing on someone's wall without going online

The Previous Big 10

The Seattle Big 10

I just wanted him to show me the Space Needle...

  1. Becoming the self-appointed welcome wagon in a city I've lived in less than 6 months
  2. iPod Sundays at The Satellite
  3. Winehoused!
  4. The technicolor wolf-dragon-man
    I think I finally figured out what he wants from me, and he can't have it!
  5. MS Transportation Failure
    "I think I'm going to die on this bus."
    "Perhaps we already have."
  6. Having to describe the weather I'm seeing only as "precipitation" because I really don't know what it is
  7. Kool-Aid Man
    Oh yeah!
  8. A t-shirt that reads, "Ask me why I'm stabbing you in the face."
  9. Koreans who love eggs
    Like the sky above...
  10. g00bs, a.k.a. Seattle men
    Love 'em or hate 'em, they make great blog fodder

The Big 10 Before That

The Summer Again Big 10

A year? Already?

  1. Free Hams
    Free hams will fill me! Free hams will thrill me! Why don't you feed me... FREE HAMS!!!
  2. The DMV in NYC
  3. Adding bubbles to your bath so you can actively ignore how dirty the tub is
  4. Gus's diamond status at Harrah's properties
    Congrats, baby!
  5. Bjorkestra
    The term alone has me excited
  6. Old friends
  7. The Master Cleanse
  8. My broken Sidekick
    Fuck T-Mobile. I'd flip the bird for emphasis but my hands are busy with this tablet and chisel
  9. Edys Loaded Butterfinger Ice Cream
    The Addiction is back
  10. Being annoyed that the right column is longer than the left
    My site needs a boob job

The Big 10 Way Before That

The Big Apple Big 10

It's up to you, New York

  1. My new office
    I miss everyone in the Austin office a lot, but these guys give me iced mochas
  2. Countertops... Whoa...
  3. Peeping Tom
    "You people live in Brooklyn because you can't afford to live in Manhattan." / "I do live in Manhattan! HAHAHAHA!"
  4. The never-ending quest for tortillas and Mach-3 razors
    I think I'm done questing for awhile
  5. Vacation sunglasses
  6. Hoboken
    If only for its great view of Manhattan
  7. The misguided libidinous dweebs on MySpace
  8. The new virus on my computer that allowed me to install a fart button
  9. Abnormally vivid dreams about monkeys
    That's a bit curious, George
  10. Waiting until I move across the country to update my Big 10

The Big 10 Way, Way Before That

The Linkless Big 10

Because you've had enough already!

  1. DSL and wireless Internet
    They got off to a rocky start, but now they're finally coexisting peacefully in my apartment
  2. Dim Sum
    Like most ethnic foods, it's even better here
  3. My refurbished Blogger template
  4. Trader Joe's
    It's better than your grocery store
  5. Feeling like I'm on vacation all the time
  6. People who actually speak web jargon
    Way to show your age! LOL
  7. Haight Street
    I'm sure there are "much cooler" places to go in San Francisco, but I don't care
  8. The DaVinci Code
  9. My car
    Never thought I'd appreciate it so much until I had to spend a lot of time in the backseat of someone else's
  10. Still figuring out what to do with the new-fangled Big 10s

The Big 10 Way, Way, WAY Before That

The Big 10 of 2004

If popular cable channels can do it, so can I

  1. We took home the best dog ever
  2. The revival of PlatKat.com
    I've come a long way, baby!
  3. The first season of Home Movies on DVD
    Put marbles in your nose/No do not put them there!
  4. Men who still think women can't play poker
    Your ignorance is cash in my pocket
  5. My pink hair
    Now everyone's really jockin' me like they know me
  6. Freebirds North
    Fuck Chipotle (a subsidiary of McDonald's)
  7. A full-sized U-Haul truck being hauled by a larger truck
  8. Going to Oklahoma more times in one year than ever before
    I saw a cow
  9. Sammiches
    Why say it correctly? Ask the maker of the 8500-calorie one.
  10. Spending too much time contemplating what to do with all of my archived Big 10s

The Big 10 to Begin All Modern Big 10s

A Very Space-Saving Big 10

  1. Netflix
    I'm on the bandwagon at last!
  2. The new They Might Be Giants video on homestarrunner.com
  3. Fish tacos from Zapatos
    Perhaps the only good thing about College Station
  4. Adult Swim
    What bumps will those crazy kids think of next?
  5. The movie, Frida
    Better than they say, not as good as it could have been
  6. That guy who blew up an outhouse because he lit a cigarette while taking a shit
  7. Super Puzzle Fighter
  8. Las Vegas
    Hell on earth, but I was just visiting
  9. The amendment banning same-sex marriage was defeated in the Senate
    Good to hear we're staying in the 21st century
  10. Crappy free cds from college
    Although they give my desk a cluttered, retro look, I'm still not listening to them

Kat's Really Old Big 10s