Heh, yeah, no.
Heh, yeah, no.
During my semi-recent trip to Boise, my friends Steve and Jamie took me to a picnic at Swan Falls Dam. It’s a couple of hours away, so we stopped at Dedication Point to use the bathroom and take some pictures. It was very scenic and relaxing, and it had the added bonus of tiny lizards crawling around. I love lizards!
I’m still kind of a child at heart, so I caught one and let it crawl on me while I sat on the ledge and took some pictures.
“Ah, he’s so cute!” I exclaimed, snapping pictures of him on my stomach with my camera phone.
“Oh look, now he’s on my leg,” I said, still taking pictures.
“Hey, he just crawled up jeans. I’m sure he’ll turn around when he realizes what a tight squeeze it is,” I reassured myself and everyone around me.
But I’ve lost about 30 pounds since I bought those jeans. That sucker wanted to keep on going.
When he got past my knee and headed up my very own stairway to heaven, I jumped off the ledge and screamed, “Holy shit! Get this thing out of my pants!!”
My friend Steve, who is always ready to help (and incidentally is also the boyfriend of my very good friend Daun who couldn’t be present that day), tried to assist with the lizard removal, first by feeling around for it on the outside of my pants, then by reaching up my pant-leg while I shrieked, “It’s over here. No, now it’s over here. Gah! It keeps moving!”
Meanwhile, Jamie is laughing her ass off and snapping blackmail pictures of Steve with his hand up my pants. Families with children are walking down to the lookout point from their cars, unable to avoid the spectacle I accidentally created. When it was about three inches below my pantyline (had I been wearing any), I screamed, “I don’t want to take off my pants, but I will if I have to!”
Why is it that whenever there’s a situation like this in a big group of friends, I am always the person having to yell that?
As luck would have it, the lizard got nervous and left my danger zone almost as quickly as he’d approached, an experience with which I am all too familiar.
Having disrupted enough family outings that day, we took off shortly after the incident. I’m happy to have provided some entertainment for my buddies, but I’d be cool with that never happening again.
A seemingly innocent prelude to human-lizard friendship:
Right before things got ugly:
See more pictures in my web album.
There is but one commandment in the New World, and she wears aviators and a mom sweater.