PlatKat.com

I started feeling intense back pain shortly after my trip to Vegas three weeks ago. I chalked it up to a couple of nights on my friend’s couch and figured it would clear up on its own once I started sleeping in furnished sublets. In fact, I kept doing my morning runs (on the Del Mar Loop – shoop da whoop!) for a full week after I moved.

Fast-forward to now and it hurts to stand and sit. When I felt things getting worse, I stopped running, obviously. I thought about seeing a doctor but never went through with it. Why pay $200+ just to be told to stop running?

And then I remembered I’m poor.

According to South Park, California is super cool to the homeless and has many resources for poor people like me. I did some research online and found The Buddhist Tzu Chi Free Clinic, which is conveniently located three blocks from my sublet. This is crucial, since poor people like me don’t have cars and have to walk everywhere.

I slightly hesitated stopping by because as I’ve said before, I’m not a Buddhist, I’m just a big fan of their work. It was unlikely they would turn me away. I’m not sure what I was expecting exactly.

I walked in and was helped immediately. They asked for my income, and I answered honestly, but they didn’t ask for proof, which I thought was very kind of them. I ended up seeing a doctor for the price of your average copay later that day.

I had gone in the morning, and they take a break every day from noon to 1pm to pray. So I went back at 1 and waited for them to call my name. The small waiting room consisted of mostly Chinese people (expected) and a few Mexicans. I think I saw two other white people the whole afternoon. The Chinese people spoke mostly Chinese (another great shock, I know), so when I was called to the window, I said, “Ni hao,” one of three Chinese words I picked up while in Shanghai. The woman behind the window gave me a surprised look so I quickly stammered, “Hello.” She smiled at me like I had nothing to be embarrassed about and had me fill out the standard doctor’s office paperwork.

I was seen 30 minutes later by a Mexican nurse, who asked the standard doctor’s office questions. Last period? I hate this question. It’s the weakest thing about me and on the days it’s not happening, I try to forget it exists. Maturity be damned. So I thought back to the last time I was doing something cool that got tragically interrupted by my obnoxious monthly friend. Oh yes…

I was seen 30 minutes later by a Chinese doctor. He was old and full of energy. Even when he was talking about something unpleasant, he seemed VERY happy to talk about it. The good old Asian smile. He checked out my back and decided to prescribe me painkillers.

“Vicodin?” I asked.

“No. Look at Michael Jackson,” he responded. He proceeded to explain how Michael Jackson took so many drugs that he needed to be put under anesthesia in his home to relieve the pain. “He was his own worst enemy.”

Mo’ money, mo’ problems.

I had read several articles about back pain on WebMD and was intrigued by one touting the positive effects of acupuncture. The intriguing part was that the results weren’t physical, they were psychological. As the linked article reads, even people who were poked with toothpicks felt a little better afterward. The idea of being porcupined for the sake of getting my warm fuzzies seemed absurd, but then again, so did the idea of going to a free clinic. And yet, there I was.

I asked the doctor about it, and he said it wouldn’t hurt. Shortly after our visit, I lay face down on a table under a heating lamp with needles sticking out of my back and legs. They didn’t hurt going in, except for one on my right side, and that was more of an annoying tickle.

For the first 20 minutes of my session, I read my book and ignored the fact that if the bus came crashing through here or an earthquake started to bring the place down, I’d be helpless to get away without being in a shitload of pain. Then I got curious. How long are the needles, anyway? Are the sticking out at angles? What if he’s using toothpicks like in the article?

A quick peek over my shoulder confirmed that there were indeed about a dozen needles sticking out of me and holy hell I should not be moving.

The doctor returned and finished up with some light cupping and a massage. He found some serious tightness in my mid-upper-back, beyond the lower-back stuff for which I was seeking treatment. The upper back stuff has been going on for about a year. After countless doctor visits and massages, I kind of lost hope. This guy didn’t cure me by any means, but he put me on a good path. I’m hoping that path will be used for running pretty soon. I’m getting antsy.