Tetris is the best game ever invented by anyone ever. I play it all the time, to the point where I see shapes falling when I close my eyes. I move the pieces, clear lines, and play an endless, scoreless game in my head, and no one is the wiser.
Since everything about Tetris is fabulous, I’m thinking about changing my last name to Tetris. I don’t like my plain, boring last name, and I don’t like that when you do a search for me, I’m buried under a million other Kat Taylors who are more successful than I am. I think Katherine Anne Tetris has a nice ring to it, and I could still keep my acronymed initials of “K.A.T.” Even better, a unique last name would probably reduce the number of enormously retarded questions and comments I receive about my first name, which include but are not limited to the following:
Is your name really Kat?
This question makes me want to stab people. It’s a matter of respect to honor what people wish to call themselves, and pronounce it the way they do and spell it the way they do. Not everyone is going to have a name you’ve heard of. It makes people sound really ignorant when they can’t get past a three-letter name (which is a popular British, and now American, nickname).
What’s your real name?
This question also makes me stabby. It’s as if I’m being accused of lying. What a dumb thing to lie about! If I’m going to bother being dishonest, it’ll be for my personal gain. My initials spell Kat and it’s awesome. You don’t have to like it, but that’s how it is.
I know three other Kats.
Chances are, I know three other whatever-your-name-is. People by and large go the safe, unoriginal route when they name their kids. I usually have something more interesting to talk about.
Sure, Kat is a cute name. If you’re four.
Said by a 26-year-old man who I briefly dated when I was 19. If you’re prowling for maturity, why bother with a girl who hasn’t even reached drinking age? Wait, I know the answer to that. Seriously though, adults use nicknames all the time. Nicknames are nice because they’re short and easy to type, and suggest a comfortable familiarity among colleagues.
So! In conclusion, Katherine Anne Tetris will be my new name, and Kat will remain my nickname. I’ll change it when I return from Asia.