PlatKat.com

They stopped collecting trash every night, and then they started again when I complained again.

“I’m tired of complaining,” I complained.

I made a new trap with half the paper and caught more flies.

My favorite coworker left today so now I officially have no friends here.

My brain stopped working before I could finish what I was working on.

I was so close!

I hate the way garlic feels in your stomach the morning after you eat a whole clove.

Yes, you. You think I would do something stupid like eat whole cloves of garlic? Of course I wouldn’t. I know better.

I had a dog and a car and a man when I lived in Austin. I lived in a house with a lawn that I could tell people to evacuate with the highest level of quickness… while my dog squatted next to me, leaving a giant turd behind. The grass was always dead and sometimes the weeds came up to my waist. This should have bothered us, our neighbors, and our homeowners’ association, if we had one.

I never was much into gardening, but I like gardens. I never could make music, but I listen to it a lot. I can’t cook food and I don’t know the first thing about wine (except the regular bullshit that gets tossed around frequently in this post-Sideways era we live in), but I consume the hell out of both whenever I have the opportunity.

And I believe opportunity just knocked.