PlatKat.com

I was a giant asshole today. I’m an asshole every day, but today I didn’t even try to hide it. Whatever.

1. Team meeting

Coworker: “We should hire someone named Kit to take the empty cube next to you so we’d have ‘Kit’ and ‘Kat’. AHAHAHAHA!”
Me: (deadpan) “Yes. That would be hilarious.”

No one else was laughing, but I really wish one of them had called me a jerk. As an aside, I used to work with someone named Kit back at NI. He was awesome and I miss him.

2. Chat conversation

Kat: you know way too much about the Spice Girls
Jon: well, you have to take into account how old we were relatively when they came out
Kat: No I don’t

He should have called me a jerk too. As an aside, I liked Spice World. It was nice not having to think for 2 hours.

3. Bathroom

Someone followed me in. We took our stalls. Business ensued. I have a raging hangover, so today business is slow.

OG from two stalls over: *shuffle* *shuffle* (Business is slow for her too, apparently.)
Me: *sits still* (Looks like we’re about to have a bathroom showdown.)
Her: *shuffle* *shuffle* *loud, annoyed sigh* (She wants me to leave, the fool.)
Me: *flip* *clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack* (Yeah, that’s right, bitch! I take my Sidekick to the bathroom! Whatcha gonna do about it? Nothing, that’s what! I could be in here all fucking afternoon. I don’t fucking know. Looks like you better be moving on or this could be a long day for both of us, know what I mean? Yeah, that’s right, you’re flushing. Go on, don’t even wash your hands. See you on the flipside, idiot!)

As an aside… yeah, women’s bathrooms are strange.