PlatKat.com: What Else?

Monday, April 14, 2008

What Else?

The weather has been so extremely gorgeous or extremely shitty lately (mostly shitty), that I struggle to develop a coherent series of words and ideas to constitute a readable blog post. More random thoughts, directed at people I don't know:

It's going to rain any second. Why the fuck are you wearing sunglasses? Sure, you can do whatever you want, it's not hurting me. But still, I humbly beseech you, what drives a person to don a pair of shades as they walk through the Microsoft campus on a murky Seattle morning? Do you think you're cool? Because you're not.

Could your myspace page use an edit? Don't answer that. Of course it could. Please send me a message or leave me a comment for a list of services. You may be able to find the latest viral video mocking Paris Hilton, and your glittery animated "Thanx for the add" gifs are unmatched by any other, but imagine being one of the elite myspacers who know the difference between "your" and "you're"! For just pennies per word, you could give friends, acquaintances, and total strangers the impression that you've read a book once in your life, or could if you had to!

You could be my soul mate, a Rhodes scholar, a close relative of Brad Pitt, or an heir to the Gates estate—If we serendipitously met and hit it off, but you didn't ask for my name and number, I am not going to feverishly read the Missed Connections section of Craigslist for weeks in hopes of finding you. I don't care how widely accepted a practice it is here, it's a colossal waste of my time when you consider how long it takes to say, "It was nice meeting you. Here's my number. Can I have yours?" But if you're content with accepting huge social losses under the guise of being shy, that's fine. We'll always have that spectacular moment! Just remember, you're dead to me.

Thanks, QFC-in-store-music-selector, for Friday's late-night Rickroll. I think I wet my pants a little.

When you've been playing cards for five hours, and it's late at night, and everyone wants to go home but you, AND your opponent outstacks you 2-to-1, AND he offers to split the remaining prize money 50/50... just go all-in with your next shitty hand so he can stick a fork in your ass before he motors out with $400 and the only attractive girl within a two-mile radius.

This passivity is contagious, I tell you!

posted by platkat @ 5:15 PM