PlatKat.com: The Seattle Freeze

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Seattle Freeze

I wasn't sure if I'd ever talk in depth about the social climate here, but this article inspired me. It has put into more objective words what I've been expressing through g00bing (and then g00bing under the radar) all along. It also explains why some of my favorite people here aren't from here at all.

Well, maybe it doesn't explain exactly why, but it offers a few theories and at the very least supports the idea that I'm not nuts for openly pursuing friends, love, interesting conversations, good times, etc. It's just not something a lot of people here do. I must admit though, the periodic "what the fuck?" looks I get for talking to people at work, parties, and so on have started to wear on me a little bit.

I thought I spent more time alone more than the average person. The activities I enjoy most like reading, writing, and running don't incite much social interaction. But that's what drinking is for! However, almost like in New York, you can hit a bar alone and sit there till closing time, but all you'll leave with is a 100-dollar bar tab and maybe some enterprising young man's business card. (Read: "Networking" not "friendship possibility.")

Still, even though I now live in virtual isolation (i.e., my tiny Fortress of Solitude) and people at work are off-limits (I don't get a senior citizen's discount at Denny's), I think I've done okay for myself in the short time that I've been here. I've met many nice folks and remained friends with some of them. I even managed to scare up the courage to throw a party, which was exciting.

I think the catch 22 in this whole mess is that by acknowledging such a problem, you foster its growth. It's similar to how certain women, blacks, and gays feel the need to remind the world that they're minorities, whether it be through special clubs, ostentatious displays of stereotypical dress or behavior, or simply inserting some aspect of their "unique" vital statistics in conversation. To give "the freeze" a name and discuss it as an intrinsic characteristic of a whole population, one that some seem to be proud of, leads to further unproductive alienation. And I realize that in posting this thought, I am illustrating my own catch 22—Thanks for noticing.

If the article is correct, more than half the people here are from out of state, so the social circumstances might say more about the type of person that would want to live here, and not the people who were already here to begin with. I think social opportunities are always available for those who want them, no matter where you are. Some places just take more effort than others. You'll obviously meet more people in an environment where the weather is pleasant and people are out and about all the time than a place where it's always raining.

But it's so easy to blame a city's weather for all the missed social opportunities that lie within it. While I'm on it, I might as well cite proof of all the rest of the article's theories on why Seattle bitches can't hang.

I think no matter what school of thought you follow, your time and actions belong to you. If you prefer to be alone, keep your thoughts and emotions bottled, and wear dull clothing, that's what you'll choose to do. But if you don't, you shouldn't feel like you have to do those things just to fit in somewhere. You may have trouble finding "your tribe," but if you're not even an active member, then what?

It seems to me like a lot of people here aren't inherently bad or mean, they're just scared. I'd bet almost everyone would be glad to have a larger social circle, provided that it meant knowing more decent, interesting, well-meaning human beings. But like the article states, so many people are worried about "just being nice" that they don't take or make communication with their peers at face value.

Yes, it's risky, and oh gawd does rejection suck. I speak on this as a full-blown expert: rejection is one of the most important things that can happen to you and it will always feel like the end of the world while it is happening. You could be asking someone to marry you or asking someone out for coffee. It doesn't matter. Hearing, "No" without any follow-up or alternative suggestion whatsoever will put the smackdown on even the most confident of folks, if only temporarily. It can make you strong or break you entirely.

The nice thing, perhaps the only nice thing, about this is that you can decide how you want to take it. I guess the course of action that has made me at least semi-successful here is that I keep asking around until I hear a "Yes." It's a long, shitty process, especially when you care about the people you're asking and the outcome of your question. Plenty of hurt feelings come with the territory, but maybe it's more ego than anything. Some people just don't want to hang out, and I'd like to believe it usually has nothing to do with me as a person.

It may sound silly and obvious and deserving of a smack in the face for a girl who appears to be just figuring this out at 27. Still, coming from a warm, vibrant place like Austin, you figure such a similar city like Seattle would offer you a similar welcome.

Nope. But this whole post is to say that despite my relentless snarking of the drones who reside in my current home city, it's still okay and I do appreciate the blog fodder. I can handle swimming in a sea with pallid weirdos, as long as I can find a few fun, no-bullshit sharks circling them every now and then.

(And thank you to Josef, for sending me the article.)

posted by platkat @ 4:11 PM