Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Career Wear
Career wear makes me think of the 80s. Boxy knee-length skirts, tapered pants, huge blazers with shoulder pads that could be used as floatation devices... Just like 80s hair, you see a picture of yourself wearing these said items, and you murmur, "What was I thinking?"
Some people still have jobs that require career wear. I hope they get dressed, look in the mirror, and say, "What am I thinking?" and respond with "...that it's time to look for a better job."
I don't trust women in career wear. That's probably why I had difficulties making friends in Manhattan. These women march around like they're going somewhere really important, possibly to do something very important. But beneath every ridiculously overpriced jacket and ugly patterned blouse and 18-hour-support-bra... is a heart. A heart that cries, "Daddy didn't love me!" and "I wanna get married before my eggs shrivel and further prove I have no worth as a human being! Wa-a-a-a-ah!"
They bustle through the city with their soy-mocha-frappa-lappa-ding-dongs and briefcases. Late to the big board meeting or rushing to the "secret spot" for an affair with the boss? Does the briefcase hold Q1's sales metrics or celebrity trash magazines? On the phone with a client in Japan or your sister, whining that last night's fuck didn't call? Ahahaha! Who cares! These women have careers requiring career wear! Everything they do and everything they are is so, so important!
At 5:00, they hit the cheesy restaurant-bar near the office for a "great" happy hour with the coworkers. Time to take off that silk-lined blazer and really let the proverbial overly teased and perfumed hair down!
"We're independent women with careers! We are confident and sexy!"
"Wait, some of us are fat from eating out too much and not exercising."
"We will laugh loudly and wear more make-up to overcome our inadequacies!"
Four cosmos later (light-weights), some male counterparts in matching suits have approached these women in career wear hoping to score some meaningless sex before work tomorrow. Since everyone has a career, there are plenty of subjects for these heavily outfitted drones to yap on about to represent their interest in eventually having sex with each other.
Pairing off and leaving the bar in moderately-priced mid-sized sedans, you know what happens next: Off comes the career wear. Crumpled matching sets of bold-colored clothing lie in a heap next to the bed where sloppy, unfulfilling missionary-style sex is performed before passing out finally ensues.
The next morning, whichever partner is more regretful of the past evening's events quietly awakens and dresses, hoping to make a clean escape. A new day is dawning, and once again, women all over the world are cleaning last night's shame out of their snatches, marinating in Calvin Klein scents, and selecting another set of career wear for the busy (or not) day ahead.
As an aside, I miss being a candy raver with time to sew my own stuff: Random Radness.
