1. I have black hair.

2. I wear a black coat.

3. I smoke cigarettes.

4. When I’m laughing or smiling, it’s usually at someone else’s misfortune.

5. Whenever I’m in the middle of a conquest, I overconfidently divulge my whole plan and all of my secrets, which leads to my ultimate demise.

6. My lair is high above ground. Its location is well-known, but few are willing to face the perilous journey of trying to enter.

7. I have henchmen (in other cities… *sigh*).

8. I use my intelligence for antisocial purposes.

9. I have theme music that is dark and moody, but strangely magnetic.

10. My plight is relatable, therefore you are attracted to me in a non-traditional sense.

At the moment, I’m lacking a worthy adversary. This gives me more time to plot against the world in general, but it’s nice to have some focus sometimes too. If you think you’re up to the task, leave me a comment and I’ll start devising a plan to destroy you. In addition to an arch-nemesis, I would also like a pet to lovingly stroke as I sit on my perch and cackle at the wreckage crashing down before me.


  1. SirFWALGMan says:

    I bet a lot of guys volunteer for the open “Pet” position.

  2. Sean says:

    I don’t know of any supervillains being afraid of spiders. Should I avoid telling anyone of your one weakness?

  3. When 900 Years Old You Reach... says:

    I’d be a great candidate!

    I’m already short with an obscenely large head, morally self-righteous, and speak in riddles few understand.

    Let my hair thin a little more (shouldn’t take long) and feed me a bunch of food coloring and I’ll essentially turn into this.

    Which should be just about right, as I fully expect our next encounter to end like this artist’s depiction.

    Only give me proper grammar and have you standing around distractedly smoking while I hiss, “Pssstt… you’re supposed to be throwing shit at me!”

  4. claire says:

    I can be your sidekick. You can introduce me to Buddhism, I can teach you yoga, and we can both reach nirvana, enabling us to crush others with our minds. No getaway car necessary; we can levitate away from the scene.