Did that just happen? Did I just see that? Did he just say that? Yes, yes, and yes. Welcome to another recurring segment of platkat.com that I may or may not continue.

1. I was meditating at the zendo last night and someone came in late. No big deal. She sat down. A few minutes later her cell phone rings. In a place like this, you shouldn’t even have your cell with you. There’s a coatroom for valuables, or if you have a car, you can leave it there. But then she bowed and took the call.

Really? Is no place sacred? Everyone is sitting in peaceful meditation and you’re taking a call, saying you’ll call back in 20 minutes like it’s business as usual. No one’s DYING? Really, GTFO. (Get the fuck out, for the unenlightened.)

2. Fox News.

Really? Do people still watch that channel? Some punk at the gym had it on when I came in this morning, watching it like he was learning something from all the shoddy reporting and blatant editorializing. Really, they’re the gossipy breakroom bitches of cable television. Change the channel, Beavis.

3. I used to be a member of 24 Hour Fitness when I lived in California. There was this Asian guy who would come in wearing spandex and a leotard. The leotard was salmon-pinkish color and the spandex were aqua-blue.

Really? Wear what you want, but when you get the crap beaten out of you by a gang of crackheads looking for easy money, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Really, I know it’s California and we’re supposed to be all peace signs and flower children, but come on. Hit the Goodwill and buy some jams or something.

4. You’re a guy. I’m a girl. You like me. I say, “How ya doin’?” or “What’s up?” You respond with something like, “Eh, I don’t have anything going on” or “My life is pretty boring.”

Really? Oh, that’s superb. How do I get in on that shit? I was hoping we could sit here in awkward silence for a few hours while you think of something to say. Really, I’m anti-social and hate everyone, but I still make an effort to go out and do stuff and read stuff and talk to people. If you think you’re up to the task of going out with me, you should try some of those things too.

5. I’m thinking about putting tinfoil in my windows.

Really? Yeah, despite the fact that my recent break-up left me with practically nothing, I managed to get a job and a place and now I have some money. I can afford curtains, but all the places I could get some require a trip out of the city via car. I actually have enough money to buy a damn car, but why go through the trouble? Really, all I have to do is hit the QFC and buy some Reynold’s Wrap and my sunlight problems are solved. It’s pretty ghetto, but I don’t think the discriminating clientele at Vito’s across the street will mind.