Ahoy ahoy, good sir! Regarding an auditory mishap this Saturday evening past, it would appear as though I must reacquaint myself with the operations of my telephone machine. I assure you this is not the case indeed! I simply wished to inform you discretely of the many occurrences that had transpired throughout the evening hours and to enquire as to the nature of your post-twilight activities as well. The consumption of numerous libations prior to my attempt at communication caused a brief lapse in mental reasoning within my brain-center. I was remiss to recognize that a conversation via telephone machine is rather improbable during the pinnacle of a grandiose carousal. The fete at which I was present featured the playing of musical instruments that produce a sound akin to large metallic objects rhythmically colliding with one another. These musical stylings are referred to by the younger generation as the “heavy metal.” In conclusion, my friend, please do respond to this correspondence forthwith and we shall discuss news of the winter season. Cheerio, darling!