PlatKat.com: Nu Hairs

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Nu Hairs

Warning: If you are a boy, you will probably not like this post. Not trying to be overly assumptive, just sayin'...

Today I returned to Bumble and Bumble for my free "current cut." Several months ago, I agreed to be a hair model for the B&B school and let a student give me this type of cut after viewing several pictures in a photo book. I went in with the understanding that they were going to do something "avant garde," which a normal person may loosely translate as "strange." But hey, I was game as long as the left some hair for me to correct when it was all over. Of course, since I'm writing about it and it involves me acting as myself, the experience was not without some turbulence, hubbub, and perhaps a pinch of ballyhoo.

It all started last night when I had a nightmare about wet hair. That's right, I was supposed to be doing something fun at some fun place with a lot of fun people, but I was stuck in a room drying my hair for hours and hours. The longer I dried it, the wetter it became, and I never did make it to the party. Considering most people have dreams about their teeth falling out or being killed in some way, this one isn't particularly harsh. But still... foreshadowing... stay with me here.

So I went to my appointment, which had already been bumped due to overbooking, which I had also tried to rebook on my own to fit my work schedule and was denied. Anyway, I was put in a group of "current cut" models and the eight of us received a short explanation from a moderator. I was given a seat and told to wait for a student. When my student arrived at her work station, she made a production of putting her stuff down and didn't even acknowledge I was there. As other students and their models were beginning to converse, I was faced with a dead fish. I made a point of introducing myself and stuck out my hand. Okay, now we can talk.

She played around with my just-washed, unstyled, uneven waves for a few seconds and asked, "What do you want to do with your hair?"

I answered her question, explaining that I usually straighten my hair, or dry and curl it with an iron, since you can plainly see that the waves aren't easily manageable. My hair has a really loose wave on top and is poodle-curly underneath. She kind of half-ass muttered something about "using product," which is a decent idea, but not on its own. I know from vast experience that you can't rely on any product alone to tame over a foot of kinky, unbalanced hair in smog, humidity, and whatever else this city kicks up. And if you're going to try to convince me otherwise, muttering, "product" isn't going to seal the deal.

When I didn't jump out of my seat exclaiming, "Yeah! Just dump some stuff on it and leave it curly! It'll be perfect!" she called over her professor. Her professor played with my hair a little bit (just as you thought: thin, dry, and massive—hair only a correctionist could love). The two muttered a few things back and forth before ultimately deciding to "switch me out."

This was annoying as hell, as I had already waited three weeks after my scheduled appointment for a haircut. The student asked me what I wanted so I told her. I didn't say I wasn't willing to try something new. But it's not like I'm going to let her give me an AC Slater mullet and be okay with it. The student's poor communication skills combined with my ridiculous mop of hair (actually, it's not as hard to style as it looks) meant I was going to have to wait even longer?

The student seemed to believe she would be able to do "something," but didn't appear to have the confidence or knowledge to execute it. She was like a doctor that walks into a visit with the assumption that they know more about your body than you do. In some ways that may be true and while I bow to an educated judgment, my confidence quickly wanes when they begin a sentence with, "Let's try..." Stop. I don't want to "try" something, I want to do something that has a proven track record of being known to work. I understand these are students, but according to the moderator, each of these students had a minimum of two years' experience cutting hair. You don't have to be Sheer Genius material, but at that point you should know something about hair if you've been paying any attention. Even if she did, "dealing with clients" was apparently outside her skillset, so I needed some more communication to happen before she whipped out the hedge-clippers.

So I talked to the moderator for a decent amount of time, expressing my frustrations. She tried to be very "PR," which is her job, but in so many words, I told her, "Unless I leave this building with a haircut, I am going to be very, very upset." She then offered to give me a free haircut from a stylist. Thus, I received the cut I wanted from a professional, and I got a free bottle of conditioner for my bumped appointment. I still had to tip, which kind of sucks, but I realize that there is no shortage of girls in New York who want free haircuts and the moderator could have easily told me to go fuck myself.

Believe it or not, I'm actually going back in a few months for a "long, layered scissor cut," the kind of cut I wanted in the first place. Despite the moron who hastily did my assessment for the current cut and the student with the poor bedside manor, the people facilitating this project are actually very kind and helpful. And my appreciation for free shit knows no bounds.

posted by platkat @ 4:11 PM