PlatKat.com: Thank You for Allowing Me to Boost Your Profit Margin

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Thank You for Allowing Me to Boost Your Profit Margin

Maybe I'm the only one who notices this (that's what I say when I'm about to make myself sound like a total jerk), but I'm getting really sick of dealing with businesses that try to make it sound like they're doing their customers a special favor. These businesses don't actually do anything beyond the call of duty, they're just thinly veiling a commonplace action, and sometimes even a request, by transparently dressing up their language. I will cite three examples:

1. I received the two necklaces I ordered from Overstock.com last week. The invoice contained stickers that read, "Gift Wrapped for you by: TINA S" and "Gift picked for you by BRENDA B". Aside from the fact that the items were not gift-wrapped and that BRENDA B did a shitty job of picking one of my necklaces (there's a small dent in the pearl), the real issue here is that these are in no way gifts. My friend's cleaning lady stole my favorite necklace (that's a whole other post), so I went online and bought some replacements. That makes them purchases. If Overstock.com somehow figured out that I needed necklaces and sent me some without charging me, then they'd be gifts.

2. I was boarding a flight on United, or maybe it was Delta (regardless, they're both awful). As I made my way to my seat, an overly enthusiastic flight attendant exclaimed, "What's your seat number?" Since I find it difficult to ignore people in confined spaces, I responded. She then shrieked, "Well, we've saved that seat for you right over here!" Wrong. My 400 dollars and a flight reservation saved that seat for me and if it's not ready to contain my ass for the next three hours, there's going to be a problem. I understand that she was attempting to "go that extra mile" to make passengers feel welcome, but she just made herself sound like a jackass and annoyed me in the process.

3. Disrobing in a department store dressing room, I discovered this gem of a sign: "For your convenience, please return all garments neatly to their hangers before exiting the fitting room." Let's see, for your convenience, I certainly could do that. But for my convenience, I think I'll leave them inside-out and strewn across the floor for having to read such a stupid sign.

Am I jerk for pointing this stuff out? You're entitled to your opinion. The people who orchestrate this type of communication have only the most sincere, heartfelt intentions, I'm sure.

posted by platkat @ 7:57 PM