Maybe I’m the only one who notices this (that’s what I say when I’m about to make myself sound like a total jerk), but I’m getting really sick of dealing with businesses that try to make it sound like they’re doing their customers a special favor. These businesses don’t actually do anything beyond the call of duty, they’re just thinly veiling a commonplace action, and sometimes even a request, by transparently dressing up their language. I will cite three examples:
1. I received the two necklaces I ordered from Overstock.com last week. The invoice contained stickers that read, “Gift Wrapped for you by: TINA S” and “Gift picked for you by BRENDA B”. Aside from the fact that the items were not gift-wrapped and that BRENDA B did a shitty job of picking one of my necklaces (there’s a small dent in the pearl), the real issue here is that these are in no way gifts. My friend’s cleaning lady stole my favorite necklace (that’s a whole other post), so I went online and bought some replacements. That makes them purchases. If Overstock.com somehow figured out that I needed necklaces and sent me some without charging me, then they’d be gifts.
2. I was boarding a flight on United, or maybe it was Delta (regardless, they’re both awful). As I made my way to my seat, an overly enthusiastic flight attendant exclaimed, “What’s your seat number?” Since I find it difficult to ignore people in confined spaces, I responded. She then shrieked, “Well, we’ve saved that seat for you right over here!” Wrong. My 400 dollars and a flight reservation saved that seat for me and if it’s not ready to contain my ass for the next three hours, there’s going to be a problem. I understand that she was attempting to “go that extra mile” to make passengers feel welcome, but she just made herself sound like a jackass and annoyed me in the process.
3. Disrobing in a department store dressing room, I discovered this gem of a sign: “For your convenience, please return all garments neatly to their hangers before exiting the fitting room.” Let’s see, for your convenience, I certainly could do that. But for my convenience, I think I’ll leave them inside-out and strewn across the floor for having to read such a stupid sign.
Am I jerk for pointing this stuff out? You’re entitled to your opinion. The people who orchestrate this type of communication have only the most sincere, heartfelt intentions, I’m sure.