Friday, December 15, 2006
On TV
I watch way too much TV, at least for someone who lives in a city with a bunch of shit happening all the time. Last night I couldn't sleep so I watched even more than usual. I know, talking about a television show (or four) is conversational suicide and no one should do it. It's stupid. It's like telling a story that isn't yours to someone who doesn't care until the conversation dissolves into, "Uh-huh... uh-huh................................... Uh-huh." But I'm gonna do it anyway.
Futurama
Hells to the YEAH! New episodes are being produced RIGHT NOW and they will be ready in 2008. That's a long way off, but we're all kind of waiting for 2008 with joyful anticipation anyway, aren't we? The interview with Executive Producer David X. Cohen leaks very little about what's in store, but I'm excited to see what happens. Futurama is one of my favorite shows and the FOX network messed up royally when it didn't give the show a fair chance.
Pee-Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special
I think it's pretty cool that Adult Swim runs Pee-Wee's Playhouse sometimes, although most of my friends (a somewhat accurate sample of Adult Swim's demographic) disagree. His Christmas special boasted a cast of the biggest stars of 1988. Whoopi Goldberg and Oprah called in, Frankie and Annette made Christmas cards, Cher talked to the Magic Screen, K.D. Lang and Charro did solo ballads of their favorite Christmas carols. It was a variety show of epic proportions, an entertainment extravaganza, a tantalizing star-gazing treat for... adults??
Right? I don't remember 1988 very well, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't watching this. Seriously, if you're not old enough to drive (and maybe even if you are), you don't know who all of these people are and you really don't care. It was kind of neat to watch almost 20 years later, especially in light of the 80s nostalgia that unfortunately characterizes this time period. I guess the makers of this Christmas special did it more for the adults than the kids.
As I correctly guessed last night, this Christmas special aired in prime time. And as I fuzzily remember, the 80s were a time when most households still only had one "good" TV, so families were forced to watch each other's sickening bullshit together instead of quietly retiring to their rooms to do what they want, which more kids have the luxury of doing now. So I guess back then producers had to make something for everyone. I would say I'd hate to have their job, but that's not true. I'd absolutely love to have their job.
Anyway, after watching Pee-Wee, I caught my second wind and couldn't fall asleep. So I did what anyone sitting alone after midnight would do if they had a ridiculously huge cable package. I turned on Cinemax.
Busty Cops II: Bigger and Better Busts (No link, no apology.)
Or something like that... who cares, right? So so SO very awful. I don't think any porno meets the basic standards I set for movie-viewing (realistic settings, interesting plots, actors who remember their lines), but this one was worse than most. I watched bits and pieces while I flipped back and forth to another show I'll mention later. I think there was some police theme to it, but I'm not sure. I just watched the sex scenes.
One involved a girl who had used tan-in-a-can in attempt to hide the bikini line left by her surprisingly modest bottoms. Hey there down-and-out nice-girl, guess what?
The rest of her skin looked a little dark (but not too much), but I guess she was really pale before tanning because someone felt the need to slather a bunch of fake tan all over her shy, pasty ass. It looked gross, and since she was on top the whole time she was fucking that guy by the pool, you could totally see it. PSA: There are plenty of places to tan your bare ass. You can go to a tanning salon, visit a nude beach, or lay out in your backyard. If you don't have a backyard, it's okay! You're a porn star, so I'm sure you can easily find someone to lend you theirs for awhile.
Also, her boobs were fake (no surprise) and they look like they'd been tied together and shellacked onto her chest with a wooden spoon. They were shaped like a proportionately smaller version of Barbie's plastic endowments and had about the same amount of movement when she bounced. The area between her breasts seemed slightly raised, but there was very little space between where one stopped and the other started. And the aureolas seemed too big to be on breasts of that size.
So yes, the "big secret" is out! I watch porn! And watching porn is like masturbation: Anyone who says they never do it is lying.
Onto the next leak. I also watched the following show and enjoyed it.
The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch
So the host seems like kind of a tard, but he grows on you. This came on after a show I really like but don't watch enough of, Mad Money with Jim Cramer. I decided to stay tuned because the guest on Donny's show was Donald Trump. Why was I so interested? Because I want to be as rich as that asshole, of course.
"The Donald" was asked a number of times to reveal specifics about his family life and his baby son, and he admirably refrained. Later, his daughter accompanied him for a segment and when asked the same question, she said something like, "I love and respect my father a lot, and our family life was really good growing up because he knew to keep it private." And that put our self-proclaimed "irreverent" host in his place for the rest of the interview.
I think it's interesting that Trump views his daughter as a brand extension. Some people would argue that it's cold, insensitive, and impersonal. I think it's the most wonderful way a father could express love for his daughter. It shows he's shared something he loves with a person he loves and has groomed her to take care of it in a way that he would. (Note: I do not ask such things of my father. To be a brand extension of my own father would mean changing my product entirely. I don't think either of us are ready for that kind of challenge.)
I also like what Donald had to say about President Bush as the CEO of the "World's Largest Company." In short, he's not good at what he does. He pretty much summed up my and many other people's view that we're wasting a lot of money and lives in Iraq, noting that we're not even tapping into their valuable resources, which makes it especially stupid. We still have people dislocated from Hurricane Katrina and our education system is failing. Let's pay attention to our own problems before we assume we can solve everyone else's. The civil war in Iraq is going to happen regardless of who else gets involved, we're just spending billions of dollars and thousands of lives to get a front row seat. And according to Donald, the guy who becomes the new leader is going to make Saddam look nice. I don't know how well thought out that prediction is, but it's a definite possibility.
Donald continued to discuss that Bush was a poor CEO in that he doesn't surround himself with the right people. Donald Rumsfeld led us into a disaster and keeps trying to tell us it's not, and when Condi Rice meets with the heads of nations, nothing happens. I haven't been keep track, but that sounds about right.
Worst of all, after 9/11 the U.S. was in a position to be loved by the entire world. It was the first time we'd been brought to our knees in recent history. But no, everyone hates us. And I agree that Bush is largely responsible. Although the president is known to be the leader of the free world, there are a lot of cooks in that kitchen and if nothing else, the president is a figurehead. He represents our country to other nations. If I were from another country, I would undoubtedly look down on U.S. citizens for managing to elect such an abysmal failure as the benchmark by whom to measure oneself.
The interview also glossed over Donald's trade a little bit and how he'd learned his business skills from his dad. There wasn't much meat to that. I suppose one could pick up any number of books if they were interested.
Anyway, I'll probably never be as rich as "The Donald," but I'd at least like to learn to be as engaging. There must be a reason I can write almost the entire transcript of the interview from memory.
