Going to the Bronx Zoo is a lot harder than it looks. We had a nice lunch in Hoboken and tried to go there. As an aside, I took a picture of the coolest thing about Hoboken (the view of Manhattan).
Just kidding. Hoboken is nice. It was clean, the food was good, the people seemed friendly enough… but I wouldn’t be a New Yorker if I didn’t make fun of New Jersey just a little bit.
Anyway, we went to the zoo. It took forever for us to get to the zoo parking lot and when we finally did, it was full. The attendants did nothing to inform patrons of where to find spillover parking, so we drove on through like the rest of the cattle. We ended up parking on the street and walking to the zoo, which involved passing through some of the burrough and crossing a big highway.
“The joke’s on us, this is the zoo!” Kristi befittingly exclaimed.
When we were almost there, I saw this advertisement.
Because you won’t let us park! That’s why not today!
By now, it was almost 3pm. Kristi said, “Come on! We only have two hours left!”
And I said, “I’m taking pictures of signs! We’re finally here!”
The grafito means it’s authentic.
So… admission to the Bronx Zoo is $12 per person. After driving, and then walking, for hours, we didn’t think that was fair. Robert explained the gate attendant the trouble we ran into and asked if we could get half-price admission or some sort of compensation for our trouble. The boorish attendant said he wasn’t authorized to give us anything. Ha! Like we’re going to stop there. After some more discussion, the attendant put Robert on the phone with someone who could help us.
Haggle, Robert, haggle.
Robert told that punk what happened, and she said she couldn’t give us half-price admission, only complimentary admission. Hey, that’s better than half-price! We’ll take it. Robert was totally on his game that day, and seriously the most professional I’ve seen a person behave while wearing a Domo-kun t-shirt.
We went through the gates.
Then we looked at some pretty cocks.
Peacocks, stupid! Get yer mind outta the gutter!
I also saw some camels. You can ride the camels at this zoo, but you don’t go anywhere and the line is long. I’ll save up my camel-riding mojo for my next and only trip to Africa.
I tried to take pictures of monkeys, but they were too far away. This one got really close to the glass, but all I caught… was his ass…
And this other monkey is grasping his cage like, “Get me the hell outta here.”
He had my utmost sympathy because I wanted to leave too. Even if we’d had enough time, I wouldn’t have gotten 12 dollars’ worth of zoo enjoyment at this place. It was boring and there were no elephants. I like Brookfield in Chicago and the Audubon in New Orleans much better.
Fuck the Bronx, and fuck the zoo. I know J.Lo would not approve!