PlatKat.com: Three People Who Suck

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Three People Who Suck

1. The Neighbor Three Doors Down
I was walking my dog Zoey yesterday morning and saw a worse-for-the-wear pregnant lady up the street walking out of her house. In typical doggie-fashion, Zoey decided to take a giant dump in the middle of the said lady's front yard. When my dog finished her business, I walked by the lady's car and said hello to her. Instead of saying hello back, she replied in an unnecessarily confrontational tone, "You picked that up, right?" I suppose that simply looking at the bags I was holding weren't enough of a clue. I held up the bag of dung as if raising a champagne glass for a toast and smiled. "Cheers, you fat fucking hag."

2. The Guy at Marble Slab
Miranda and I walked into Marble Slab with a coupon for a buy-one-get-one-free ice cream cone. Miranda wanted a healthy cup of non-fat frozen yogurt instead of a chocolate and butterfinger-covered cone with the most calorie-laden ice cream inside it (which I ordered). So I presented the coupon and asked the guy if I could use the deal even though we were getting different things. He angrily muttered, "I don't know what the deal is. I don't know what you're talking about." Miranda replied, "Read the coupon!" Oh my God! My friend is a fucking genius! We'll be holding the Austin Chapter mensa holiday party at her house from now on, since she has all my Christmas stuff.

3. The Nasty Bitch Who Left the Mess in the Third Stall
It's called a courtesy flush, asshole. There's no law that says you can only flush once. If you still see brown, flush it down. You're using a public bathroom with industrial-strength toilets, so be polite and take advantage of your power to suck hard literally instead of figuratively.

posted by platkat @ 10:43 AM