PlatKat.com: Free Ass-Kickings All Day!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Free Ass-Kickings All Day!

Today was supposed to be my first apartment-hunting day, but actually calling it that would be misleading. I saw exactly 1 apartment, rode 5 trains, walked 800,000 blocks, and visited 4 cafes... laptop in tow. The plan was to go to a cafe in one of the neighborhoods we'd like to live, look at listings, call some people, and see some apartments. It was a bad plan.

I started my journey by walking down the wrong street and going to a subway station I hadn't been to before. I rode it to a larger station where I could transfer to the 6 train, which goes to all the places I need. Of course, the 6 train from this station is going downtown and I need to go uptown, so I have to ride downtown to the Brooklyn Bridge to transfer to the train going uptown. Sure, that makes sense.

When I got to that station, I had to exit and re-enter on Bleecker Street. That would have been just fine with me, but I had no idea where the hell Bleecker Street was until I walked around for 100 years.

Finally found it, caught my train to Union Square Park where I was trying to go and then busted my ass some more trying to find a Starbucks because they have free wireless.

Wait, no they don't. And guess what I don't have. Money! Yay!

I searched through my laptop case for a good 15 minutes and couldn't find my wallet. Did I forget to pack it? Was it stolen? Who the hell knows? I'll find out when I get home tonight.*

So after about 3 hours of walking around and riding trains, I finally get to settle down somewhere, and I find myself broke and internetless. The only sustenance I had for the rest of the day was a pack of cigarettes and a Nutrigrain bar.

I called Gus and rode the train to Bloomberg. He came to the lobby and brought me a bottle of water, a banana, and $100. The banana was really nice, I thought as I ate it while waiting for the train back to Union Square Park. The last time I could remember eating a piece of fruit, it was from the bottom of a glass of sangria.

After hoofing around the neighborhood for another good hour and some change, I found a cafe with free wireless and started responding to apartment ads. All this shit is going to take longer than I ever imagined. Getting started at 4:30 when everyone goes home at 5 sucks too.

One guy tried to show me an apartment very close to the cafe where I was chilling and couldn't get the super to come down. Awesome. He was trying to be helpful, but I'm a little frazzled from getting lost 20 times and having no money.

As an aside, I also walked by two separate men in two separate neighborhoods, representing two separate age groups and nationalities, who both said, "Sexy" when I passed as matter-of-factly as you would tell someone his shoe was untied. I don't know what's sexy about rushing around with a 200-pound laptop looking confused but ready to kill someone, but it shocked me much more than a traditional cat-call. I didn't show it, of course. (Right?)

Now I'm sitting at Pete's Tavern, which seemed familiar because I've actually been here before, listening people talk about cooler parties than I'd throw, bigger money-making schemes than I could come up with, and more dynamic happenings than I can even begin to understand. New York is schoolin' my ass.

Being in New York City is like getting beat up by your dad. You love each other through the inexplicable laws of nature, but a lot of ridiculously inhumane things need to happen before you're living in harmony. A few glasses of Chardonnay should help me prepare for Round 2.

*Wallet was not stolen. Cool.

posted by platkat @ 6:51 PM