Today I got this random IM from some dude:
He: love the profile. i go to BC [whatever the hell that is] and the guys in my fraternity love your pic
Me: um, thanks
He: sure thanks for being so fuckin hot – theta sig loves you
Etc. Etc.
I’m not a stranger of the random IM, but this one struck me as odder than the rest, especially since I’ve been feeling particularly ugly lately. I actually logged in to my yahoo account to make sure my profile hadn’t been hacked and my picture replaced with that of some hot porn star. Funny that some frat dork and all his stupid friends are just sitting around creaming over some minutely attractive girl’s yahoo profile when they could be out torturing people and acting like douche bags in real life.
The next time I feel like crashing my car into a guard rail on I-35, throwing myself in front of train, jumping off the top floor of a high rise in Chicago, shooting myself in the side of the head (just above my right ear), hanging myself in the center of town, or overdosing on a sexily dangerous drug, I’ll refrain. Why? Because theta sig loves me, and that’s important to think about when seriously contemplating death.
…
Did you notice how I didn’t list slitting my wrists as an option in the above paragraph? That’s because if you’re gonna commit suicide, you should only do it once. If you slit your wrists, you’ll never die, you’ll just be in pain for a long time until someone finds your pathetic ass. And that’s not really dying, is it?
Kevin says:
Wrist slitting is for sucka MCs.
April 7, 2006, 2:23 pmgus away from the metroplaza says:
“thanks for being so fuckin hot” that’s solid gold. That’s going in my “how to pick up the ladies, yo” word document. Saved. I wish I had a group to associate it with though. Since I wasn’t in a fraternity I’ll go with “Eta Kappa Nu loves you.” Yeah. For real.
April 7, 2006, 4:15 pmAnonymous says:
You may not be fat yet, but I think many wouldn’t go so far as to classify you as hot.
April 18, 2006, 6:36 pmplatkat says:
You may not be impotent yet, but I can see you aren’t man enough to reveal your identity when making scathing remarks.
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May 28, 2010, 5:58 am