PlatKat.com: Thoughts and Feelings

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Thoughts and Feelings

This morning I woke up and fed my cat. I gave her the canned fish that makes her purr and rub against my legs. I love my cat Fluffy. In this mixed-up world of unexplained dreams and rollercoaster emotions, I often think she is the only one who truly understands me.

After eating a breakfast of steak and eggs, I took a long shit and went out to the porch where I like to drink Strawberry Hill and contemplate the meaning of life. Sometimes I wish there were more people like me, people who think about deep and meaningful things like relationships, bodily fluids, and video games. I think that's why my best friend Shaniqua and I are always fighting. She's a nice girl and I totally respect her and love her and stuff, but when it's all said and done, she just isn't deep like me. Sometimes I really feel alone in this world, and I know that I just have to accept that everyone can't be as unique and analytical as I am.

I also think that's why I should break up with my long-term boyfriend, Ricardo. Ricky's really cool and I get along with all of his friends, but that's just the thing--I've been hanging out with all these guys for like three years, and while I am able to milk them for as much attention as I can possibly get, I'm afraid that it will wane if I don't have sex with some of them soon. I mean, what's the point of having a relationship with one cool guy when I can be whoring myself out to as many as seven guys and still be stringing along the aforementioned cool guy? Just like you need to diversify your stock portfolio to get ahead on Wall Street, I need to make sure I have enough men on deck to feed my rampant insecurities, should my flavor of the month not pay attention to me for three seconds.

So, on that note, Jim-Bob called me today and we drove around in his 1965 Pinto. He shared his 40 with me while clunked along the interstate. For awhile, it was very romantic in the kind of mellow, down-to-earth way that I like. I really love old cars, but I was a little taken aback when the car broke down and Jim-Bob made me get out and push. Still, it was a totally crazy experience that helped shape my life in a myriad of interesting ways.

After I pushed the car home, Lil Mookey came over and we philosophized about love and life. He and his girlfriend, Gabrizelle, are having problems, so I offered him my counsel as best I could. It felt nice to step up and do something so noble and selfless when my own life is a disasterous trainwreck. And I really feel like Lil Mookey and I got to know each other better last night with no ulterior motives or underlying tension at all.

I've been blogging for several years now and it has been a true growing experience for me. I've been thinking about this for a long time, and I think it's time for me to publish a personal memoir. I mean, my life is this totally huge collection of completely wacky experiences that could only happen to me. Even though I'm quite an accomplished customer service representative at Pier 1 Imports, I still think there are more gifts I can offer this world. I obviously have tons of fans, as you can see from the wild amounts of feedback I have pouring in regarding my captivating and controversial style.

Okay, so I don't get that many comments, but people tell me they read my blog and some other people said they told their friends about it and they read it too. That's like 100 people! Also, I know Shaniqua reads my blog because there was that time I slept with her boyfriend and just needed to write about it. I had all these creative ideas flowing through me and all these emotions that I had to sort out. The honest truth is, I write for myself because I'm an artistic person with a lot of poignant events that must be evaluated. If Shaniqua wants to read my blog and find out that I slept with her boyfriend last night in a flurry of celebration after he finished the last mission in Grand Theft Auto Vice City, she's doing so at her own risk. Whoops, there I go again... Hi, Shaniqua!

Well, it's settled. I can't just sit around and let all of these stories of joy and pain, laughter and tears, season premieres and summer reruns stay cooped up in this little corner of the web universe. I'm going to step forward and sign that book deal today. I wish everyone could be as lucky as me, living for today and following their dreams. Well, ta-ta, loyal and numerous readers. I hope to meet all of you during my whirlwind book signing tour!

By the way, that was all a lie. However, if you took anything in this post personally, it could be because your blog sucks and I am making fun of it.

posted by platkat @ 3:16 AM