Monday, December 19, 2005

The Legend of Sleepy PlatKat


Seriously, I need a new bed. I haven't slept for 8 hours straight without drugs since... I don't know when. Nothing's been bothering me as of late, so I gotta blame the bed. Gus and I toss and turn like those people at the beginning of the Tempur-pedic commercials. You know, for the beds made out of material approved by the Space Foundation, also known as FOAM?

Much to my surprise, the Space Foundation is real, or someone put a lot of time into making up content for their website. Regardless, even though their grandiose mission is to promote commercial space endeavors and educational excellence (among other things), what do they know about a comfortable bed? They're supposed to know stuff about space, which has less gravity than earth. I'd guess that even if they were designing beds for astronauts in space, it wouldn't matter as much how comfortable they were because they're only resting with a fraction of their weight on the surface. Do people in space even need beds? Can't they just chill in a room with padded walls for awhile until they're not tired anymore? They don't even have to deal with the outside factors of the sun coming up and what time it is. It's probably easier to get 8 hours' sleep in space, but not because of a bed made out of foam.

So, Gus and I have been planning to get a new bed for awhile, but we've hit some delays. We're both picky and incapable of making decisions when it comes to purchasing big-ticket items and we don't enjoy shopping much in general. With the holiday season in full swing, any kind of shopping is going to be a royal pain in the ass. Visions of circling full parking lots for 30 minutes and being elbowed by last-minute Christmas shoppers (all obligation, no spirit) make waiting for that perfect bed acceptable.

I hate Christmas. More specifically, I hate the obnoxious fucks in the right-wing media who are trying to convince the public that there's a war on it just because some people like to say "Happy Holidays." I think it's a better catch-all statement than "Merry Christmas." Of course, I'm not gonna go apeshit on someone who addresses me with the latter. They celebrate Christmas and in case I do too, they want me to have a merry one. That's cool. I celebrate the holidays because work forces me to by closing the office December 24th through January 3rd. Thus, I say, "Happy Holidays" and in case some other people are celebrating some holidays, I hope theirs are happy ones.



Comments:
Well Happy Holidays to you, and new beds usually don't make great stocking stuffers so hopefully the bed stores won't be wall-to-wall assholes like most other places.

Two words - Select Comfort

I HATE, and I mean absolutely HATE Select Comfort and think their beds are PoS. Just to offer an opposing viewpoint. If you want to buy one, put it together yourself, don't let them, it will strip a lot of the magic from their gimmick away. They're cheap, plasticky, hot, the twin chambers are separated by some lousy foam thing that leaves a crevice, they don't inflate nice and evenly. Honestly, I thought it was like sleeping on a couple of heated cylindrical burlap condoms with a chasm in the middle. It just did not work for me, period, but other people swear by them.

If you want an air mattress, there's a company called Phoenix something or other I believe that is supposed to make a higher-quality product and not spend so much money on marketing and location. The foam beds may or may not work either. I'm just very wary of gimmicky beds now. A good, quality inner-spring is still tough to beat dollar for comfort/durability, the problem is knowing how to select one. There are a few places on the web that tell you what to look for to get the best-built product, not necessarily the one with the biggest name. I think Consumer Reports has a write-up on picking mattresses, at least what to look for quality-wise. Comfort is going to be all personal preference. Most places WILL let you try them a while, but giving it back to them is a lot like trying to shove it back into their nether regions, so be pretty sure and be prepared if you change your mind (and make sure you do it in time, as well).

I don't envy you, I'd rather buy a car again than a bed.

I actual love the Sleep Number beds.. I guess thats the same as Select Comfort? Another thing you could try that got me through college is getting a couple of those foamy eggcrate pads and layering them over the mattress. That always made the dorm beds a little more comfortable...

Festivus doesn't fall between your holiday dates, but I hope it was a festive one.

Remember that bed where a smug guy in a lab coat dropped a bowling ball on the matress? I have that one. It was good for a while, but it wore out faster than I expected it. Especially since I've only been home and using it for two out of the last seven years.

a.) as for beds, my parents have a select comfort and I don't like it. I have a sealy posturpedic queen size firm and it's the best bed I've ever slept on. mattresses are a big scam where basically every store you go to has the same beds only with different names so that they can confuse you when it comes to pricing. if they make a guarantee that they have the lowest prices, you'd be hard-pressed to prove them wrong.

2.) astronauts on the space shuttle sleep upright in sleeping bag-type things that don't let them float around all over the place. I didn't see a 'bed' or 'foam' anywhere.

d.) "happy holidays" is hella lame. I say "merry christmas" not because I'm religious but because I want to take christmas away from the christian wackos who want to make it all about jesus. it's not. it's an american, commercial tradition that feeds the families of millions of people in this country. and it's fun. not like "hannukah". so fuck everyone else, "merry christmas" it is! and besides, jesus was born in the fall.

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