PlatKat.com: Table for One, Please

Table for One, Please

Unlike most of the heathens I grew up eating with, I take a little extra time to enjoy my food. Instead of shoveling it into my mouth like a rabid dog, I take regular bites and even chew them a few times.

Sometimes I am mocked for eating slow. And some assholes are downright impatient. But you can be sure, no amount of your sighing and moaning is going to make me eat any faster. I like eating, and I'm going to do it at my own pace.

Do not mistake me for a food connoisseur. I don't eat slowly so I can "taste the impeccable fusion of diverse flavors" or "savor the rich texture blended with a crisp finish". In fact, sometimes I want to smack the people who do.

No, I have no reason for eating slow. It's just how things are. I eat slow for the same reason some people are tall and some are short, and for the same reason some people have detached earlobes.

So imagine my delight in having a free Saturday afternoon, a large appetite, and one of the Bay Area's top 100 restaurants right around the corner from my place.

Amber India is hidden in a strip mall, but much like Star of India in Austin, you don't care when you walk in and compile a huge smorgasboard of unpronounceable ethnic delicacies. I won't even compare the two buffets because they serve completely different dishes. However, I must nod in Amber India's favor due to its proximity to my bed, which is precisely what I need after just about any buffet I visit.

I tried almost everything they had. The butter chicken was the clear winner. Since it's Saturday, it was easy to go back for seconds. I could casually dine and read the local Indian publication with no one to rush or interrupt me.

Toward the end of my pleasurable feeding, a man and his son were seated next to me. The son began complaining about what his father had brought for him, and the father made failing attempts to calm his son and teach him some manners. On my other side, a couple argued about something incomprehensible, not only to me, but probably to each other as well.

I think if people ate alone sometimes, they'd realize how good food tasted and how dumb it is to ruin it with tableside bickering. Another reason I was glad to be alone is that I could choose that moment to leave.

Then I remembered that the one thing that sucks about eating alone is that there's no question as to who picks up the check. A small price to pay!

posted by platkat @ 1:00 PM

Comments:

I share an office with 3 females, so I often eat alone at lunch for reasons I am sure I don't need to explain. It is just nice to get away and be alone with just your thoughts. But I eat way too fast. I was in the Navy for almost 4 years and you learned to eat fast or you didn't eat at all. It is a bad habit I still carry with me.

# posted by

mrshife : 3:18 PM

then you get all gassy and those 3 females scatter to the opposite ends of the office

# posted by

jamwall : 4:42 PM

I'm still a fast eater, though I think I've slowed down a little bit from my younger days of high school/college. I used to eat like "Nibbler" from Futurama. You turned and the food was gone. I remember riding in a guy's car once in high school and making a run on the Bell. Had a couple of tacos and a burrito or something like that. He hands me the food, looks away long enough to drive off and make a left turn out onto the street, looks back at me- and sees empty wrappers. I still remember him saying, "That was the most incredible feat of eating I've ever seen". And no, no controlled substances were involved either. Built like a Japanese champion hot dog eater baby.

# posted by

riceowl03 : 6:34 PM

Personally, i like to dog my food as fast as humanly possible. However i can eat slowly when the occassion calls for. I do enjoy eating but most of the time i eat alone so i see no point in eating alone for more than five minutes

# posted by

Victor : 8:51 PM

i eat by myself on average once or twice a month and find it meditative.

# posted by

bricotrout : 9:03 AM

I have to eat slowly or I literally shit my brains out before I leave the restaurant. which is great on a date. I went on one this weekend and I'm sure I came off as anorexic or something just so I wouldn't have to excuse myself to go take a dump for like 20 minutes. cuz there's nothing more awkward than when you come back to the table after that. I've actually faked a drug problem because it's so much less embarassing.

# posted by

Hollywood Phony : 10:17 AM

LMFAO oh god ... i just dropped my beer bottle when i read that you shit yourself when out on a date.

Try not to spend so much time in there. it shouldnt take more than 5 mins. Just push as if your life depended on it :D

# posted by

Victor : 3:30 PM

yo one time i ate so slow someone died at the table next to me, but i kept eating

# posted by

Hernesto G : 3:45 PM

How fast I eat is based on several things:

Quality: the better it is, the slower I eat

Safety: anything that has the potential for injury (food with small pits or fine bones) or unidentifiable food stuffs (Chinese), I eat with care

Speed at which others eat: I enjoy eating slower just to make the gobblers wait with nothing to do

# posted by

Sideshow : 5:51 AM

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Table for One, Please