PlatKat.com: Somebody Already Broke My Heart

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Somebody Already Broke My Heart

I feel the need to address some comments about a previous blog post about my ex. I received a couple of pitying, "Awww, sorry he broke your heart" comments that were completely irrelevant to the post. I invite you to take a closer look and see that I am obviously not one to be pitied. At least not for that.

If you read the post at all and have a somewhat steady grasp of the English language, you would pick up annoyance, frustration, and maybe a hint of regret. Those may not be on the opposite side of the spectrum from heartbreak, but they're at least in different quadrants. At no point was I ever laid up for days, sobbing about losing this pretentious fartknocker. In fact, I'm the one who moved away!

The purpose of that post was to laugh at his retarded ass for putting himself in his retarded-ass situation. Me: Successful and committed to a wonderful man. Him: Rotting in the eye of a hurricane and dating a meth-head.

Now, my heart has definitely been broken before, just not by this guy. I'll tell you about another failed relationship from my youth so you can understand the difference.

Let's talk about Tom Knudsen. Sure, I'll use his full name. I actually keep in touch with the previous-blog-post ex (which is how I came to know his whereabouts), but I doubt Tom would interrupt his busy schedule of paint-huffing and shooting heroin out of a garbage can to google his name and read this little gem of a post.

Tom totally broke my heart. And because I was even more of a self-destructive idiot at 16, I let it bother me longer than I should have.

See, heartbreak happens when you think things are going well and then suddenly, out of nowhere, your mate decides he can't stand the sight of you and starts being mean, or if he's a halfway decent human being, says, "Hey, things aren't working. I want out." But when the guy is a jerk and you can't stand him, breaking up is a-okay. Breaking up is cool.

The former was the case with Tom, which really sucked because I liked him and thought he was cute. All my friends gave me the thumbs up for snagging such a cute boy (who was also funny and smart), and for a few months, I was on top of the world. His momma liked me, his friends liked me... I even thought he'd be "The One." And I'd be his "The One" too.

Nope! Broke up with me over the phone on Valentine's Day. Good thing I didn't buy him anything. I don't remember if he'd given any kind of tangible explanation or not; I just remember getting a barrage of phone calls from all of his less-worthy cronies once they'd heard the news.

And thus began an embarrassingly long period of meaningless heartbreak over a meaningless relationship. I guess it's better that I learned how stupid that was at 16 (or 17) than say, 30 or 40 or never like some women do. We all figure shit out at our own pace I guess.

Thus concludes my first ever girlishly introspective and life-affirming blog post. Have I turned into Stephanie Klein yet? Will someone please blow my fucking head off if I have? Eric, I know you've been wanting to use that new glock...

posted by platkat @ 2:54 PM