PlatKat.com

For entertainment purposes only, I believe in reincarnation. Specifically, I believe that most dogs living on earth today were once humans in another life. I’m not sure that they did anything wrong as humans to cause them to be reincarnated as dogs; maybe it was just time to be a dog.

Regardless, the dogs that were formerly humans usually possess some traits in common with the type of person they were. Here are some of my findings.

This is my childhood pet, Pepper. Pepper was a professor of natural sciences in the 1950s. He was a small, rotund man who was very fond of sweater vests and corduroy blazers. He won a teaching award once, but it was nothing special. Still, he was highly regarded as a kind and intelligent man in his surrounding academic community.

This is my current dog, Zoey. Zoey was a teenage runaway who never felt like she could trust anyone. She lived a hard life on the streets as a prostitute and had to kill several of her johns in self-defense. Eventually, she stopped hooking to become a drug mule, and later a mafia wife. She longed for a simpler life, but accepted her fate, as it was better than the alternative.

This is my roommates’ dog, Woogie. Woogie enjoyed the hip excessiveness of the 1980s as a happy go-lucky gay health enthusiast. He had a small frame, but was amazingly buff and all the boys adored him. A mainstay in the San Francisco club scene, he enjoyed the finer things in life until he contracted AIDS at the young age of 30 and died a year later.

This is my grandparents’ dog, Barkley. Barkley was a southern belle in the 1800s. Her father owned a huge plantation where she had free reign to do whatever she wanted. She used to abuse this power as a child and through her teens. But a valuable lesson taught her that being a kind person and a good friend would help her lead a more fulfilling life.

This is my best friend’s roommate’s dog, Artemis. Artemis was a cow.

If you want to know what your dog was like in a past life, we can schedule a meeting and I will perform my analysis for $4.95 the first minute and $2.95 each additional minute. You must be 18 or older and have your credit card ready.

I do not perform this service on cats. Being reincarnated as a cat is a completely different journey. While being reincarnated as a dog is probably kind of frustrating for a former human, being reincarnated as a cat is a rewarding break from the burden of human responsibility. Also, all cats are pretty much the same.