PlatKat.com: Real American Heroes

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Real American Heroes

Today I want to show my appreciation for a grossly underrepresented portion of the blogging population: Ostentatious Female Sex Bloggers.

Man, there just aren't enough of those! I'm sure all those people who don't blog about sex everytime they have it, wish they'd had it, or plan to have it probably aren't having sex in real life at all. Those losers aren't nearly as exciting and adventurous as you gals.

What better way to show how out-of-control but extra-insightful you are than to talk about a subject that is so extremely taboo in today's society? And since you're so outspoken and uncensored, the best way to show it is to write about sex as much as you can! How will the rest of the world know that you're free-spirited and willing to try anything if they can't read about your sexual escapades on your blog every day?

Usually, everyone is so shy on their blogs. They might talk about the weather, or maybe their 17 cats. Some people even blog about boring stuff like politics and finance–who cares about those?! There are also humor and newswatch blogs... That stuff is okay, but it's really not the edgy material most people are looking for when they need to feel validated despite their vacuous lifestyles. Where else could the few, proud sex enthusiasts find a forum to make cutesy, sycophantic comments for you to answer in a sexually suggestive way?

Luckily, the world has you, Ostentatious Female Sex Blogger. It's obvious that you can handle a lot more than a keyboard and mouse, if you know what I mean! You've been out living the fast life for years and you definitely show no signs of slowing down!

With all the humility and chastity flooding the internet these days, it's so refreshing to find bloggers who "keep it real." In this age of talk shows, reality TV, and tell-all interviews and books, it's so hard to find a woman who really wants to come out of her shell and honestly talk about the S-word.

Speaking of S's, I must say to the younger generation of Ostentatious Female Sex Bloggers, using the letter "z" instead of "s" to make nouns plural and purposely mispelling simple words like "love" really capture the essence of your truly unique and "street" personality. Anyone can follow those constricting rules of spelling and grammar that have kept our language from becoming a series of grunts we utter at one another when we're hungry. But you're original! You spell words your way because you're unique and cool!

Anyway, I'm just so glad the world has this captivating group of women who like to write all about their one-night stands and casual flings. They obviously take great pride in their accomplishments and really care about contributing to the greater good. And let's not forget, anyone can just have sex, or write about sex, or whatever, but these are Ostentatious Female Sex Bloggers, and they write about sex intelligently.

So everyone, support your favorite Ostentatious Female Sex Blogger. Let her know that you respect her choice to bang four dudes in one night and that you appreciate her candid synopsis of the event! If you don't give her kudos on her forward thinking to justify her deliciously salacious acts, she just might stop committing them. Then what will you do during your next dry spell? Read a porno mag? Of course not! That's dirty!

posted by platkat @ 12:45 PM