Just so you don’t think I’m really a racist, I’d like to inform you that my best friends are Mexican. They are also black, gay, Jewish, orphaned, handicapped, and every other social underdog you can think of.
See? Here I am with a real Mexican (and some other guy; no one knows what the hell he is) making authentic Mexican tamales. Would a racist eat tamales that were made by a real Mexican? I’d definitely say not!
And here’s another pendejo I used to work with.
Just kidding! That’s Ram and he’s Indian. If you think every brown guy in a sombrero is Mexican, I pity your lack of culture. I mean, if you want to pick and choose the groups of people with whom you’re racially sensitive, that’s your business, but I really suggest you open your mind and be a little more respectful of other people for a change.
See how I turned it around there? Ya know, *switch*switch*? See, now you’re a racist and I’m politically correct.
Man, being politically correct is great! They give you free food, your own parking space, bumps to first class when you fly, daycare for your kids, discounts on health club memberships… Wait, no they don’t. In fact, no one gains anything from political correctness because it’s an idiotic tool used by pretentious pseudo-intellectuals as an excuse split hairs and listen to themselves talk.
That said, I’m going to get in touch with my roots by drinking a case of Bud Light, watching Nascar, and banging some dude with a mullet.
Addendum: Mexican Spanish is the only language I know that has a word for a thief who robs your house and then shits on the floor (zorrero). That must happen quite a bit down there in order for it to have its own word.
Melinda says:
You know, maybe someone should tell those zorreros that there are plenty of people who would pay $400/hr and up for you to shit on their floors, on them, to watch you shit, etc. Scat’s not my thing, but it pays better.
October 14, 2005, 12:14 amLBseahag says:
Sweet…I’m 1/2 Mexican…let’s go to Taco Bell sometime….
October 14, 2005, 6:41 amriceowl03 says:
Haha, I love how long you’ve let this crap drag out because you had the gall to point out the obvious. The nerve of you!
And are those *real* tamales, like wrapped in banana leaves? Cause you know what Andres would say if you weren’t doing them that way… I’d put it here, but I’m not sure if I can get the subtleties exactly right, and I’d hate to misspell something and have it redirected at MY mother.
My college roommate once made me a deputy Mexican, does that mean I can come hang out?
October 14, 2005, 11:14 amRazz Master says:
So if being 1/2 Mexican gets you Taco Bell, does that mean since I’m 1/4 Mexican that we would go to Del Taco? (For those not in CA, Del Taco is even shittier mexican food than Taco Bell) And in doing my part to be an equal opportunist and PC, I pick on everyone: white, black, yellow (Asians), red (Indians or Native Americans), jews, christians, muslims, retarded people, cripples, old people and so on and so on.
October 14, 2005, 11:31 ammiranda says:
Damn you were BLONDE!!!!!
October 14, 2005, 11:42 amApril says:
Now I gotta figure out how to work that word into my next Spanish class…
October 14, 2005, 12:02 pmHollywood Phony says:
yeah, when the hell were you blonde? I didn’t even recognize you.
October 14, 2005, 1:35 pmgus away from the metroplaza says:
I’m a panamaniac dammit! And there will be no mulletude going on either. Sometimes, this relationship, it makes me want to SCREAM! I just keeeding!
October 14, 2005, 2:02 pmDirk the Feeble says:
I’m racist, but against everyone, including my own race. I just hate everyone. At least I’m not biased in my social disorders.
October 14, 2005, 2:54 pmLBseahag says:
Del Taco counts only if you go on 49 cent taco tuesday…
That’s why Dan at Del Taco is white…
October 15, 2005, 9:03 amEarl Jenkin™ says:
My gardner’s a beaner, his wife makes the best salsa dip I’ve ever had.
October 15, 2005, 9:28 amHollywood Phony says:
I have gone out of my way to be friends with at least one of every single minority group. That way, when I make a joke about black gay handicapped midgets and people get mad, I can go, “Oh really? Well for your information, I told that joke to my friend Emmanuel Lewis and he thinks it’s funny!
I’m just kidding, I’m not friends with midgets.
October 15, 2005, 12:33 pmbricotrout says:
boy that was a great finish tonight eh? whoda thunk that ricky rudd would go out like that! ooops, i mean, whats a nascar?
October 15, 2005, 11:34 pmNo_the_game says:
I loved your blog.
I was reading that Hernestos’ blog u left a comment i liked. U r my type of gal. Why all ppl can not be like you. Then we would not have problems, right?
October 16, 2005, 12:54 amDrizztdj says:
What’s next no Christmas office parties? Feliz Navidad!
Thank god for closed minded people, otherwise there would be no one to make fun of!
October 18, 2005, 1:50 pmjust thinking says:
Plat you’re great ! Thanks goodness for the game or I never would’ve found you !
October 19, 2005, 12:26 pmMr. Shife says:
So how did sex with mullet man turn out?
October 19, 2005, 4:53 pmBadGod says:
I wish I could get paid to shit on a floor. My mom used to get so angry at me for crapping in the sink and well, anyway…
October 20, 2005, 6:50 amHernesto G says:
i read somewhere that americans have a high instance of colon cancer because we poop sitting down. so i now crouch like hawk on top of the toilet. it shoots right out and there’s minimal wiping to do, if any. the only downfall is possibly slipping in mid squeeze and splashing up if the kids fall sideways. Other than that, i highly recommend that you try it.
October 20, 2005, 12:36 pmThe Bracelet says:
I met a Mexican once so I can say this…
I like your blog.
It makes me laugh almost out loud.
(which is pretty good for being the written word and all)
October 22, 2005, 6:42 pmThe Bracelet says:
Also, I was perusing your resume and came across a nugget of info I thought was interesting.
You list the ability to “fetch” as one of your many skillz.
Is that like, willingness to go grab McDonalds for everyone?
(cause I like those new breakfast sandwhiches if you’re making a run)
October 22, 2005, 6:59 pmNeil says:
“Just so you don’t think I’m really a racist, I’d like to inform you that my best friends are Mexican. They are also black, gay, Jewish, orphaned, handicapped, and every other social underdog you can think of.”
Even those crazy blind people?
October 25, 2005, 9:18 pmjamwall says:
yeah, i love brown people too and they love me!!!!
god UPS is great!
November 2, 2005, 6:50 pmCamy Leon says:
LOL! The Mexican is cooking for you!? Are you sure he wasn’t your cook? LOL! Just kidding!
November 3, 2005, 2:14 pmKaro says:
Great post. You’ve been MIA for a while. On vaca? Or KIA? come around some time, don’t be shy! POW!
November 7, 2005, 1:30 pm