Thursday, September 22, 2005

Revenge?


So, while I love my sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll (and junk food), my absolute favorite deadly sin is wrath. Ever since I was a kid, I've taken great pleasure in undercutting the punks who crossed me. I had a hit list and everything.

I don't know how long it took me to figure it out, but as I matured, I found that the real asshats who seemed bent on hurting me had destructive personalities in general. These types of people are so blinded by their lack of compassion for everyone else that they end up causing their own misfortune. I don't need to spend any of my precious time plotting revenge on these losers–I can just wait and they'll do it for me!

Introducing my ex-boyfriend, Hurricane Katrina, and crystal meth.

My ex and I were together for eight excruciating months before I fled to the coolness and sanctity of Austin, Texas. In the last two or three of those months, I had pretty much given up and decided it would be easier to play out the rest of this trainwreck than deal with the drama of dumping him.

And there would be drama. This guy always had to freak out about something, even when everything was going fine. I couldn't stand it. Everything was an argument, even really unimportant stuff like when to eat dinner or the meaning of a movie. I'm not the type to shy from an interesting two-sided discussion about something, but this was a lot of screaming and yelling. No actual points were argued. He also used the most long-winded speech I've ever heard and had this obnoxious Peruvian accent that I thought I'd get used to but never did.

He always tried to convince me that I was the problem. If I just obeyed him, everything would have been fine. Someone close to him confided that he doesn't want a girl like that though, he wants someone "firey." I don't think I'm that outspoken, but I will speak up when someone:

-Tells me what to wear. Whether we were headed to The Great Wall Chinese Buffet (one of the tastiest places in Baton Rouge, but not the height of fine dining) or hanging out at home with his friends, I had to look stunning. Demanding AND superficial! Two great tastes that taste great togeth–wait, no.

-Points out and tells me to get rid of a zit on my face. This is especially comical because we were on a train to Machu Picchu. I had been staying in his humid, smoggy shithole of a country for several weeks and my skin was taking a beating. But apparently, looks are really important when you're in the mountains visiting an ancient city. Also, acne is something that everyone can control and people only have it through some fault of their own, right?

-Forces me to have sex when I don't feel like it. Enough said.

-Does mean things to his maids for no reason. I'm not a big fan of maids, but his parents had them. My tall ex had no problem with blocking these stumpy little mountain women in doorways and tight spaces, just because he could. He threw a brick at one when he was younger, which sent her to the hospital. Studly!

-Brings his parents into our disagreements. What a moron! Want to make a bad thing worse? Involve parents! His were of old money and didn't work the entire time I knew him, so they had lots of free time to meddle in our affairs.

So that's my ex, a jerk who constantly pointed out my faults (some of which were nonexistent) without paying any attention to his own. I blame myself for staying with him for so long; I was a self-destructive idiot at 19. I think many people were. So, I deserve most of the burden for my bad judgment, but he deserves his comeuppance for being a jerk.

Surely, you've read about the devastating effects of Hurricane Katrina in the news, so you know how bad it was. When it hit, I pinged my friends in Louisiana to make sure everyone was accounted for. I had forgotten that my ex even lived there until he pinged me once he had electricity again. He's at SLU in Hammond working on his MBA. Although he's pushing 30, he's been in college on Dad's dime since he graduated high school and has yet to enter the work force.

Obviously, if Mom and Dad will pay for 11+ years of college, our little darling hasn't spent much time without modern conveniences. Pobrecito. What hardship!

Even better than the devastating effects of the hurricane, he also told me about his current girlfriend. They were planning to move in together, until he found her doing crystal meth (scariest drug EVAR!) with some of her friends. Apparently, she'd been doing it a lot and he'd had enough. He made some over-the-top exit and sped away in his car. So, she, fucked up on meth, got in her car and started chasing him. How she was going to "catch" him is still to be determined. This isn't Mario Kart. The weather was rainy and disgusting (typical of Louisiana), and they ended up getting in some kind of accident.

You want drama? There's your drama, buddy! Have fun!

At last, laziness kept him in the path of a hurricane, craziness gave him a meth-head girlfriend, and schadenfreude is mine to enjoy. In addition, Hurricane Rita might hit Houston, current home of his meddling parents and another location I wouldn't mind seeing wiped off the map. Thank you, God, fate, Mother Earth, and whoever else controls shit! I owe you one!



Comments:
That's Karma baby. I can't believe you stuck it out 8 months with this asshole. He sounds like a real charmer.

I want to hear more about the accident...sounds delicious, too bad you don't have pictures :(

sounds like you liked this guy for all the right reasons. a lot of it sounds like your fault

Im srry if that peruvian broke your heat. Not all peruvians have annoying accents. ( peruvian here ) lol and unlike him, peruvians are well known to be hard workers. Your boyfriend was the exception to the rule.

As you can see from the post, my heart is fully in tact. No tears were shed leaving that agonizing relationship.

It was not my intention to insult Peruvians as a people. I mentioned his nationality to better tell the story and by no means meant to imply that all Peruvians are like him.

You're missing the point of wrath. You can't simply let nature take it's course. Karma doesn't cut it. You've been wronged. You have anger. Express it. Through violence. I'm not saying you need to physically attack him, be creative. Call him up and tell him you've tested positive for gonorhea and he needs to get checked out. Then after they insert four inches of swab down his pee hole call him up and tell him you were just kidding. If that's not your style, have a friend call his parents at 3 am and say they're from the Texas Highway Patrol and they need to come identify the body. Too much? Have a makeup artist friend make it look like you've been beaten then take some dark, fuzzy polaroids and mail them to his grandmother with the note "This is what your grandson did to me". Or put a banana in his tailpipe, the important thing is to do something. Something destructive.

You are in Mountain View!!

I have been stuck in Burlingame hell for a week now...it burns.

Ahhh Karma, keeping folks from having to serve consecutive sentences one delicious coincidence at a time.

Forcing me to have sex is the fast track to a breakup. But yeah, 19 is when we're still figuring all that shit out.

He's probably going to end up marrying some crazy Ecuadorian bitch like Lorena Bobbitt or something and they'll both make each other's remaining years pure hell. Ah, 'firey' people are such fun. Like living with herpes or something. Woo hoo!

I have on occasion wished for the total destruction of Memphis, but then I remember I'm still here, so I have to withdraw my wish until such time as I might take my shit and leave. But honestly, there are some people here that I wouldn't want to see lose everything just so the really shitty people I've grown to know so well can get what they deserve. Anyway, that's what God made baseball bats and really large crowbars for.

Made you have sex when you didn't want to? Okay, but in the guy's defense, you women want sex a lot less than we do, so sometimes we need to straighten you out and put you in your place. Sorry, has to be done from time to time.

But the rest I am sympathetic with.

I can understand wanting someone who has hurt you to get what's coming to them, but what about the million or so other people who don't even know you? They have to suffer as well just because of a few are there that you don't like? What kind of mentality level are you operating on? Houston (actually closer to Galveston) is my home, it's where I am raising my children, where my husband works, and where I run a business. My family, as well as thousands of others, did nothing to you to deserve the devestastation that Rita will bring.
And BTW, Karma is justice without wittnesses.

I should ask you the same questions for choosing to raise your children and start a business in the questionable climate of East Texas. The hurricane is likely to miss you anyway.

Nowhere in my post did I discuss karma. It is a different concept entirely.

I didn't chose my industry- it's oil and petrochem. My Dad moved us here when we were very young from Puerto Rico. My husband is also in the oil and petrochem industry- it puts food on our table.
And no, I just saw the news, the hurricane is already causing our area to flood. Heavily. So while I sit here crying and wondering what will happen to our home, you can continue to wish Houston to be wiped off the map.

So at 37 years old someone else is making choices for you? My father is/was in the oil industry too. As an adult, this affects me very little.

Looks like Port Arthur will get the worst of Rita.

So you're sitting there crying your eyes out? Why didn't you put that in your blog?

Here's what you did put, in case you forgot:

"Just Hurry Up And Hit Me Already!"

"Margarita's are in the freezer, the drinking should start at 5:00."

"No need to throw my Southern drinking etiquette to the wind just cause of a little storm..."

"We may try to take in a local football game tonight to watch Kristin nephew play."

Maybe I'm a "hater" but before you go and melodramatically attack my friend for saying something obviously in jest, why don't you just chill out and concentrate on staying safe, there's a hurricane headed your way.

well that was good reading. you make my little unfolding drama on my post seem like tea time with aunt bea.
oh, i want to go to machu pichu!!! was it as cool as the pics?

Machu Picchu was my favorite part of the trip. This page from my old site has pictures, if you can handle the crusty pop-ups.

I am sorry that he broke your heart. Guys suck... Really.. Great site however!

This story gives hope to scorned women all over the world. Thank you!

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