PlatKat.com

Ladies and gentlemen, we gather today to mourn the death of one of the most highly regarded conveniences of the modern day, specifically, Kat’s hair dryer.

Although Kat’s hair dryer survived a series of moves, countless vacations, and at least several careless mishandlings over its six-year lifespan, it was still a shock to us all when it bit the dust this fateful morning. As with any finite part of your life, you know the end will come and that you must accept it, but there’s still nothing that can prepare you for the pain and sorrow that follows the loss of a loved one.

Purchased in Baton Rouge, Louisiana in 1999, this hair dryer proved to be far superior to any consumer hair care product on the market. With 1875 Watts of drying power, this marvelous tool could suck the moisture from the Gulf of Mexico. In its glory days, it also may have been a great asset to the massive Hurricane Katrina clean-up effort in New Orleans. Ah, but speculation is useless; I must simply remember the good times.

No matter how wet, curly, and frizzy my hair was, this hair dryer could turn it around in as little as 15 minutes. Throughout college, when I got home late and had less than an hour to prepare for a date, this hair dryer made stunning good looks possible. Then, when I needed to straighten my disgusting, matted, nappy curls to look half-way put-together and trustworthy for an important job interview, this hair dryer never let me down. And ever since I added a couple hours at the gym every morning to my daily contribution to the workforce, this hair dryer made sure that I didn’t catch a head cold from the ridiculously arctic temperatures of large tech company buildings.

Yes, we sure had some good times. Even when the durability of its retractable cord expired shortly after my move to Austin in early 2001, I knew it could still pull its weight.

Oddly enough, whatever caused the cord to cease its retractability is likely to be the cause of this faithful appliance’s untimely end. Whatever had lodged itself into the hair dryer’s mysterious interworkings had come loose four years later. Thus, when I powered the device for its final use, it produced a sound like rocks in a fan or a car with a dead battery. Before I had a chance to react, it began to emit smoke and then quickly exploded in a firey blast that nearly shorted the electricity of the entire neighborhood.

Beyond not having the sleek, straight hair I expected, this strange turn of events should have left me with a hairstyle more akin to that of Albert Eistein. Thankfully, I was spared and left only to battle an impending head cold that will surely result from the refrigerator where I carry out my professional duties.

Well, dear hair dryer, at least you went out with a bang. Your memory of speedy, reliable service will live in our hearts forever.