PlatKat.com

I’m sure your evening has been much more productive than mine. I know exactly what I should not be doing (although only a few of these come from direct experience), but it is much harder to determine the best way to spend the dwindling hours of my weekend. So it goes…

• Watching Cowboy Bebop
• Getting drunk at VXN
• Searching for the long-lost Creatress
• Throwing a tantrum in the middle of Wal-Mart
• Testing the load-bearing capacities of ceiling fixtures
• Pulling 20 shopping carts into See-What-Happens-Larry’s driveway
• Reading conspiracy theories about Party Poker while playing a tournament on Party Poker
• Running through the nearest movie theater wearing nothing but a werewolf mask
• Climbing onto the roof of a nursing home to practice my yodeling
• Tattooing an ostentatious, yet sophisticated moustache on my upper lip with a pen and a needle
• Experimenting with gaseous blends of Mexican food ingredients and dairy products
• Ordering a free information kit about the Ab-Doer
• Coaxing three dozen feral cats to jump off the Rengstorff bridge onto Highway 101 to see what percentage of them land on their feet
• Using computer imaging to see what I’d look like in a few years… if I were addicted to chrystal meth
• Teaching myself Latin
• Finding Elvis’s private island so I can kill him for real
• Applying for sales jobs at T-Mobile so I can be the first on my block to sport the phantom Sidekick III