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I could go home and watch this:

“Duck Tales” was one of the best cartoons ever. Even though Uncle Scrooge was the stingiest duck in Duckburg, he still loved his nephews and took them on his adventures. If Scrooge was my uncle, I’d be like, “Hey, let’s see what’s burnin’ at the Temple of Doom! And then let’s look for those Nazis who want to raid the Lost Ark!” Cause if we did that, I’m pretty sure I’d run into Indiana Jones. And then I could make it look like an accident and say, “Oh! I didn’t know you’d be here. So what’s up?” I mean, I could have just gone to Boston and taken one of his classes, but I ain’t like those flighty hoes. Besides, I’d probably run into “good” Will and he’d ask me if I liked apples and I’d be like, “Shut up and mop the floor you loser!” And then he’d grow wings and fly up to heaven and Alanis Morrisette would be like “I’m God” and I’d be like “No you’re not. You’re a has-been marginally talented singer who got her start on ‘Star Search.’” Then Ed McMahon would come in panicking and crying, “One of our talents cancelled at the last minute! We need a replacement!” And I’d go, “Hey! I’m 9 years old and wearing an American flag t-shirt. I can sing ‘The Star-Spangled Banner.’” After belting out my own powerful version of the song, the judges would give me 5 stars and I’d beat the hell out of everyone, but only because my opponent was Roseanne Barr-Arnold-Whatever-Useless-Moron-She’s-With-Now and she damn near killed everyone else with her grackle throat spackle. But at least she got revenge on her jerk husband that cheated on her with that rich romance novelist. Everyone knows she’s a witch. And when I was 9, I burned witches… when I wasn’t watching “Duck Tales.”

This entry was posted by platkat on August 22, 2005 at 5:00 pm under Uncategorized. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

9 Comments

  1. Melinda says:

    Hehehe! I love where your mind wanders! :) I used to be such a Ducktales groupie, too!

    August 22, 2005, 6:20 pm

  2. bricotrout says:

    yeah, that was… surreal. why would matt damon be cleaning floors again?
    dogma is the BEST movie!

    August 23, 2005, 10:21 pm

  3. John Bryson says:

    DuckTales. I had the coloring book and honestly…better that masturbation.

    August 24, 2005, 2:54 am

  5. Laestrygonian says:

    I loved Duck Tales growing up… Great cartoon…

    August 24, 2005, 12:59 pm

  6. william says:

    When I was in elementary school, my nickname was Huey (because my name that i never use kinda resembles that.) Eventually, my 2 best friends got the nicknames Dewey and Louie.

    Ah…. good times.

    August 25, 2005, 10:13 am

  7. Angela says:

    You make me miss being 9!

    Actually, a had a friend in high school whose digital watch would always beep at 4:30 – he finally admitted it was an alarm to tell him that Duck Tales was on…..

    And I just realized I still remember the words to the theme.

    August 25, 2005, 10:55 am

  8. Hollywood Phony says:

    I liked the video game too. it would have been funny if they did a final episode where he drowned in his pool of gold coins, like he’s struggling to stay up and the coins are going down his throat and he’s begging for help but huey, duey and luey are all having sex with each other and they don’t hear him and then he comes back as a ghost. can someone say ’spinoff’?

    August 29, 2005, 11:47 pm

  9. Around the World Guy says:

    Bookmarked your website. Thank you for sharing. Definitely worth the time away from my workload.

    April 14, 2010, 3:04 pm