PlatKat.com

While I was eating my salad, one of the tines in my plastic fork broke off.

My first thought was, What the fuck is in this salad? But as I spit out the tine, I realized that it couldn’t be from the salad, as it had a texture unlike anything I’d ever accidentally imbibed. So now I’m eating a salad with a three-tined fork and it feels really weird.

Also, I saw a dead bird in the parking lot about a week ago.

I found it rather odd that not only were its guts torn out in a bloody mess, but its killer had also taken the head as a souvenier. I showed the picture to some people and they compared me to the guy in American Beauty. When I replied that I don’t film wind-swept bags with wide-eyed wonder, they insisted that he recorded images of dead birds as well. I know no one meant any offense, but I knew a guy that looked and acted a lot like the movie character in question, and he was one of the biggest asshats I’ll probably ever meet.