I did it. I cracked under the pressure of my growing waistline and copious amounts of free time and joined the gym nearby. I don’t like public gyms. I think they charge too much and bank on the fact that most of the people who sign up won’t stick with it.
Having received two phone calls from gym personnel before I even set foot in there, I knew they were going to be pushy. I knew they were going to try to set me up with the most expensive plan possible. I knew I would have to be firm in what I was willing to pay and possibly haggle a bit. I went in there like I was buying a car from a dealership. I don’t like those either.
I was greeted by your standard gym meathead who showed me every part of the facility I could ever possibly want to see. I believe I can count on two hands the number of times I said, “I just want to use the treadmill.” I let him lead me around anyway, pretending to be interested in the lap pool and aerobics classes.
Then we went back into a little office to discuss terms. He had this cute little binder with all of these shiny laminated pages bearing numbers that made me laugh when I looked at them. Oh, the fun we had! When the amusement portion of our discussion was over, I explained once again that I am a contractor and will probably only be in town for another two months and I just need a place to run, so I’m not looking to spend a lot. They had a deal on the internet that I liked, if I could change the terms from three to two months and pay 2/3 of the price. Deal.
In addition to my tour and haggling, I also got to answer some fun questions in which my host could make me feel like an important individual with special needs and goals that his facility would be happy to accomodate, while at the same time he could gather information about me and see how much I was likely to spend to feel good about myself.
What he asked: Which body type/work out regime best describes you? (From a choice of four categories.)
What he meant: How high is your self-confidence?
What he asked: What are your goals for working out here?
What he meant: I really hope you need some help with goal-setting because we have a staff of personal trainers here who will try to give you some (for a fee, of course).
What he asked: Have you ever worked with a personal trainer before?
What he meant: You should totally work with a personal trainer!
What he asked: How is your diet? Do you take any vitamins?
What he meant: Are you going to pass out from malnutrition on one of our machines and sue us for a lot of money? Should we expect to hear you purging in the locker room before working out for four hours at a time?
What he asked: What made you come in today? (As opposed to last week or yesterday.)
What he meant: What triggered your sudden desire to work out? Do you clothes not fit you anymore? Did your boyfriend call you fat?
What he asked: What do you do for a living?
What he meant: How much money do you make?
I love telling salespeople I’m a tech writer because they don’t know what to make of it. I said “tech,” so it could be a lucrative field, but I also said “writer” and they’re a dime a dozen and usually don’t make jack. I’m glad he was too proud to ask me what I write because I really hate getting into that with people who aren’t in the tech industry.
Anyway, after doing three miles on the elliptical (oh, how I’ve missed you!) and a mile and a half on the treadmill, I was pretty well spent. I had left my credit card at Subway yesterday, so I walked there, retrieved it after some language difficulties (Mexifornia in effect!), and went back to pay my membership fee. Then I walked to Safeway to get some healthy food. Then I went home only so FongFong could ask me to buy some carpet cleaner because one of the dogs peed in the living room and she was out. So, I heeled it over to Target to make use of that awesome gift card that Aunt Carol gave me for Christmas. When I finally returned home, I was able to relax, eat some food, and play cards, at which I am currently sucking.
All in all, I feel like I got a lot done today, even if it meant spending money I didn’t want to and cleaning up dog pee.