My mp3 player got burninated, so I walked to work sans tunage. It kind of sucks because I don’t want to hear el creepos honking at me, and now that I’m used to walking with music, going without is kind of boring. I get songs stuck in my head, so I sing them while I walk to let it all out. Today’s song was Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain.”
But since I was more aware of my surroundings, I was able to spot a razor lying on the sidewalk. Not the kind you shave with, but the kind you try to slit your wrists with even though someone will obviously find you before you’re not even close to dying because such razors don’t make deep enough incisions and it will take you forever to lose enough blood to even slip into unconsciousness. It was a cry-for-help razor. And it was a good find, since Walmart put an annoyingly adhesive sticker on my windshield after changing my oil. Fucking Walmart.
I didn’t know where to put the razor, so I just held it as I continued walking to work. As people approached me on the sidewalk, a lot of them looked at me, eyeballed my hand, and quickly moved aside. When I thought about it, I guess walking down the street singing a song that you only know a few of the words to brandishing a razor is somewhat odd.
So I tucked the razor inside my wallet and began singing Frank Sinatra’s “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” instead.
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