I had lunch with some friends the other day and got a fortune cookie afterward. It made some blanket statement about my sparkling personality and I opted to trade it for Emily’s fortune. It said, “You are a candidate for a big promotion.” And since Emily doesn’t have a job, it Did Not Make Sense. (Chewbacca)
Obviously, I didn’t get a promotion, and I’m left thinking that fortune cookies could be more informative than they currently are. They should have news you can use, like “Those jerk friends of yours are back-stabbers. Don’t hang out with them.” Or “Someone is plotting to kill you.” Or “Taking your usual route home will lead to unprecedented danger.”
Now there’s some advice that could really help a person out. I’m not sure what company is responsible for the material found in fortune cookies, but they might benefit from changing out a few of the stale employees, TV sitcom style.