Didn’t think so.
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray
My rating: 1 of 5 stars
I asked my mom to send me this book because I thought it might be a fun, albeit antiquated, way to shed some light on how men and women communicate. Kind of like How to Win Friends and Influence People for relationships.
From the beginning, the author addresses that not all men and women are the same. He even calls special attention to women in the workforce who tend to assume more masculine communication tactics. Then he launches into the worst kind of stereotyping of men and women I’ve ever read in my life.
Because of this book, I am now mad at the early 90s. Seriously, early 90s, don’t even talk to me. There’s nothing you can say to undo this.
Men Are from Mars was a best seller. A BEST SELLER! For six years! Mid 90s, I’m glaring at you, too.
Anyway, the book makes women sound like whiny nincompoops and men sound like closed jerkoffs. I stopped reading after 50 pages or so.
At Quinn’s. Eating plates of meat.
A young girl at a parade I was in told me I look like Katy Perry. I wanted to take it as a compliment, but all I know about her is that she’s a dark-haired pop star. So I smiled and nodded instead of saying thank you, and then I went home and looked her up.
Blech. But her song did inspire me to write this little ditty:
Emerald City girls, we’re quite destestable
Ironic shades, band t-shirts on top
Pale white skin, so cold we’ll freeze your icicle
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Emerald City girls, we’re so deniable
Dark, mean, weird, we’ll break off your cock
West coast represent, now put your hands up
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
When I was little, I used to say I wanted to be a mermaid when I grew up.
Now… not so much. Turns out I’ll be much more useful as a landlubber at a water treatment company.
During my semi-recent trip to Boise, my friends Steve and Jamie took me to a picnic at Swan Falls Dam. It’s a couple of hours away, so we stopped at Dedication Point to use the bathroom and take some pictures. It was very scenic and relaxing, and it had the added bonus of tiny lizards crawling around. I love lizards!
I’m still kind of a child at heart, so I caught one and let it crawl on me while I sat on the ledge and took some pictures.
“Ah, he’s so cute!” I exclaimed, snapping pictures of him on my stomach with my camera phone.
“Oh look, now he’s on my leg,” I said, still taking pictures.
“Hey, he just crawled up jeans. I’m sure he’ll turn around when he realizes what a tight squeeze it is,” I reassured myself and everyone around me.
But I’ve lost about 30 pounds since I bought those jeans. That sucker wanted to keep on going.
When he got past my knee, headed up my very own stairway to heaven, I jumped off the ledge and screamed, “Holy shit! Get this thing out of my pants!!”
My friend Steve, who is always ready to help (and incidentally is also the boyfriend of my very good friend Daun who couldn’t be present that day), tried to assist with the lizard removal, first by feeling around for it on the outside of my pants, then by reaching up my pant-leg while I shrieked, “It’s over here. No, now it’s over here. Gah! It keeps moving!”
Meanwhile, Jamie is laughing her ass off and snapping blackmail pictures of Steve with his hand up my pants. Families with children are walking down to the lookout point from their cars, unable to avoid the spectacle I accidentally created. When it was about three inches below my pantyline (had I been wearing any), I screamed, “I don’t want to take off my pants, but I will if I have to!”
Why is it that whenever there’s a situation like this in a big group of friends, I am always the person having to yell that?
As luck would have it, the lizard got nervous and left my danger zone almost as quickly as he’d approached, an experience with which I am all too familiar.
Having disrupted enough family outings that day, we took off shortly after the incident. I’m happy to have provided some entertainment for my buddies, but I’d be cool with that never happening again.
A seemingly innocent prelude to human-lizard friendship:
Right before things got ugly:
See more pictures in my web album.
New place, old dog, evolving business, crazy travel schedule (until now)… so I’m becoming one of those people who never posts.
The divine rays of Jesus’ everlasting light protect him from the dean’s angry shaking fist.
